Illinois Attorney General Mysteriously Ends Grand Jury Probe into Death of Sox Owner Vinnie Vitale
AG Flees for Mexico after overnight surprise
Sonny Vitale and GM Dunn now totally off the hook
Chicago, October 21, 2052 -- The Illinois Attorney General today abruptly cancelled his long-running grand jury investigation into the 'natural causes with 27 bullet holes' death of Black Sox owner Vinnie Vitale last December.
Surprise, surpriseIt had long been speculated that Bringahmin's probe was focused on two individuals -- new Sox owner Santino "Sonny" Vitale and GM Mike Dunn. The AG was thought to suspect that Sonny and Dunn conspired to have Vinnie whacked in order to fully seize control of both the club and the Vitale family waste management business.
The AG convened the grand jury shortly after Vitale was gunned down outside a strip mall massage parlor, clearly unhappy that Chicago police had deemed it "an accident" and closed their investigation hours later.
That odd action was followed by the Chicago medical examiner then quickly ruling the death natural causes, which not only contradicted the police finding of an accident, but also was at odds with the 27 bullet holes that riddled Vitale's body. "It was a veritable active roster of bullet wounds," said one police source. "Good thing they didn't try for the 40-man roster."
Now, with the end of the grand jury probe, we may never know the truth of Vitale's demise. In addition, the timing of this development -- coming at the very end of playoffs -- means that it will get little attention. This news story, in fact, is likely to attract few readers, since other teams are quickly rushing to fulfill their own team news requirements.
For their part, Sonny Vitale and Dunn referred all press questions to their high-powered criminal defense attorneys Gil T. Azele and Anita Ali Byer. Those two issued a statement saying, "Vitale and Dunn wish the Attorney General nothing but the best as he and family discover life far, far, from Chicago. Our clients remain focused only on one thing -- improving the club for the 2053 season. And they remind fans that affordable season ticket plans are still available!"
