In Exclusive Interview, Sox GM Evades Questions on Death of Owner
Chicago, April 14, 2052 -- Black Sox GM Mike Dunn, who canceled his usual Opening Day media availability on April 1, agreed to sit down with the Black Sox Baseball Blog for a free-wheeling discussion on the state of the team.
Dunn 'responds' to our questions
Dunn: We're very optimistic about the team's chances this season. I know the prognosticators don't see it that way, but that's why we actually have to play the games. We have a lot of great players and I'm confident we will be competitive.
BBB: That's very nice. Now, let's get back to the matter at hand. Did you play a part in the brazen daylight execution of Vinnie Vitale?
Dunn: I know we lost a couple of key offensive players to free agency, but the great thing is that our farm has developed talent to step right up. Is this a rebuilding year? No, not at all. We are in this to win the Heartland. I remind fans that it is not too late to purchase season tickets!
BBB: I hope you're not trying to avoid my questions.
Dunn: I'm not trying to avoid you. Why would I be trying to avoid you? It's so funny you would think that.
BBB: Ok. Let's try again. The death of Vitale was ruled by police as "an accident" and then by the Medical Examiner as "natural causes." Yet he took 27 bullets to every part of his body. Any thoughts about the strange findings?
Dunn: One key addition this off-season was the acquisition of veteran 1B Manuel 'Second Coming' Aguilar. Manny is a great clubhouse presence, and helps offset the loss of Aarnoud Budding. Aarnoud, as you know, declined his player option for $15 million and then settled for far less to sign with Sacramento, so you have to wonder about the wisdom of his agent.
BBB: Some say Budding just wanted out of a dysfunctional, disreputable, declining baseball organization to go play for a winner. Do you blame him?
Dunn: Another solid acquisition for the Black Sox is starting pitcher Juan Marroquín, formerly of San Antonio. Juan really bolsters our rotation, and is 2-0 with a 2.93 ERA in his first two starts with the club. And I remind fans -- we still have some cap space, so our free agent efforts are by no means finished. Remember, season tickets are still available!
Dunn: It's important to remember that any fan purchasing season tickets now, after the opener, will see those costs pro-rated. So it's never too late to join in the fun!
BBB: We hear you're retained high-powered criminal defense attorneys Gil T. Azele and Anita Ali Byer. Any truth to that?
Dunn (turns to our staff photographer): Is it me or him? It's him, isn't it?
BBB: Ok, we're finished.
Dunn: Season tickets! Never too late for season tickets!
