To Boost Attendance (and Drunkennes), Team Unveils New Black Sox Cocktail Offerings
Chicago, June 23, 2051 - Black Sox Owner Vinne Vitale has made it clear -- the front office needs to boost attendance, and the bump resulting from the team's competitiveness in the race for the Heartland is not sufficient. So the club is turning to one thing certain to woo fans: booze.
Effective immediately, two new Black Sox-themed cocktails will be offered at the clubhouse level of the park. The first -- named, simply, the Black Sox Bomber -- is perfect for those favoring sweeter libations:
The Black Sox Bomber
1.5 oz Blue Curacao
1.5 oz Razzmatazz
1 oz Black Cherry syrup
Top with cream
The second new cocktail is "The Resurrection," named for Black Sox legend and MBBA Hall of Famer Resurrection Santos. This one, like Resurrection himself, is quite strong, featuring a shot of cold-brewed coffee:
The Resurrection
1.5 oz. Reyka Vodka
1 oz. Black Cherry simple syrup
1 oz. strong cold-brew coffee
3 oz. club soda
3 oz. can cola
"We are pleased to bring these delectable new offerings to our loyal fans," said Vitale in a statement. "And to show our further appreciation, these drinks will be 10% off through the end of July." Both drinks are expected to sell for $19 each, so the discount will save you a couple of bucks. The club is also lifting its prohibition on alcohol sales after the 7th inning. "No more last call!" pronounced Vitale.
Fans, though, were not immediately wowed by the announcement. "I don't need no fancy-shmanzy cocktails," said Tillie Taldowesky, president of the Black Sox fan club The Southside Slobs. "Just gimme a freakin' beer and a division title, then I'll be happy."
Owner Vitale has set a team goal of increasing the club's average attendance from last season's pitiful 31,289 per game to 47,000 per game. Thus far, thanks to the strong start, attendance is up more than 36% -- but that only amounts to 43,000 per game, about 4,000 short of Vitale's goal. Hence, the cocktails cometh. Look for more desperate attempts to boost fan interest as the 2051 season winds on.
