Bobblehead Brouhaha: Manager Booted Over Stuart Screwup
Assistant GM Also Abrupty Shown the Door
Former UMEBA Manager Schroeder Steps In as Skipper
Chicago, April 21, 2050 – To the surprise of no one in Black Sox Nation, Manager António Velasco was ousted today, replaced by one of the most successful managers in UMEBA, Dave Schroeder, formerly of the Manama Pearls.
The team issued this terse announcement:
But sources tell us the tipping point was the injury to the team's ace, Bernie Stuart, on April 12, the very night that the team gave away much-prized bobbleheads called "BernieHeads". Fans (and, we're told, front office types) were livid that Velasco used Stuart in relief in spring training, including two days before the season opener. "That was the straw, no doubt," said one source. "Tony showed us in that moment that he's pretty clueless."
More surprising: Dunn also fired his relatively new assistant GM, Ralph Arnold, and issued a sarcastic statement, "We wish Ralph the best, hopefully in a different profession." Our sources indicate Dunn and Arnold disagreed frequently, including over the fate of Velasco. Arnold is also rumored to have been the source of anonymous quotes to reporters critical of Dunn.
Schroeder, last seen managing Manama,
takes over in Chi-town
Velasco lasted just over two years with the Black Sox, having been hired at the start of the '48 season by previous GM Jim Cox. After guiding the club to 94 wins and a playoff berth in '48, many thought he was a keeper. But last season the team missed the playoffs with a 79-83 record due in large part to a collapse in September.
Fans like Tillie are not satisfied
"Dave showed himself during his time in UMEBA to be a proven winner," said Dunn in a press conference presenting Schroeder. "We're thrilled to have him here." Reporters asked Schroeder if he supports the anti-analytics trend AAS. "No, I don't kiss AAS," the rookie manager replied with a grin.
