(The view shows Sox General Manager Benny Vitale seated at a conference table in her spacious mid-century modern office in the administrative area of Black Sox Park. She is joined by Assistant GM José Ávila and Assistant to the Assistant GM Vic Caleca, who are all looking at a large wall-mounted monitor.)
Black Sox GM Benny Vitale
José Ávila (visibly irritated): You called Ms. Vitale and I in here to look at a UMEBA castoff? Have you been drinking again, Caleca?
Caleca: Not yet … well, at least not the hard stuff. Yet.
Ávila (starting to rise): I think we’re done here.
Benny Vitale: Not just yet, Mr. Ávila. You and Mr. Caleca are here, let’s at least look as this scouting report he's so excited about.
Caleca (smirks at Ávila): Yeah, José, we’re not done quite yet, but we're getting there. (He calls up a scouting report, that glows brightly on the screen with multiple bright blue bars).
Benny: Adolph Friedek … he is a pitcher, it appears. A relief pitcher.
Caleca: Yep. And our scouts say he looks like a pretty good one: 35/60 overall potential; 10/12 stuff; 5/6 pitch movement; 6/7 control; and two damn good pitches.
Benny: Yes, I see that. A 9/9 fastball, and a 10/11 changeup. He reminds me a bit of Mr. Phil Brown, our second round draft pick.
Caleca: Yes, indeed he does – only a little bit better, in some respects. Friedek’s control looks a little better, and his fastball is better than Brown’s sinker. Of course, some of Brown’s numbers might change once you fully convert him to relief, if you decide to do that, but the fact stands – this kid looks pretty good.
Adolph Friedek
Caleca (clicks over to the summary and reads aloud): “Adolph Friedek is a 20-year-old right-handed pitcher. His most consistent pitch right now is an elite changeup, which he pairs with an elite fastball. He has the type of stuff that will generate plenty of swings and misses, and should strike out more than his share of batters as he matures. Friedek has the tools to be an uncommonly consistent reliever.”
Ávila (scowls, then exhales): Well, Caleca, you might have found something here. Any idea what he’s asking for?
Caleca: His agent says he’s looking for a minor league contract, and something like a $65,000 bonus.
Ávila: Well, hell. We can swing that.
Benny: But it will take more than that to bring Mr. Friedek to the Sox, won’t it, Mr. Caleca?
Caleca: Well, Ben … Ms. Vitale … the general managers in the BBA are, to put it charitably, a bunch of miserable jackals who’ll go after this kid like a pack of wildebeasts. Somebody’ll throw silly money at him just because they can.
Benny (muses): Vincent has given us plenty of “silly money,” as you put it, to play with this season when he put our budget at $150 million. We have more - quite a bit more - than $50 million in our budget still unspent – and you know what that means.
Ávila (rubs his hands together): Yes! A nice, tidy profit at the end of the year!
Caleca (rolls his eyes): Yeah, then Vinnie will swoop in and pocket most of it for a 5-day debauch in Vegas.
Benny (nods): Precisely. So, Mr. Caleca, please check with our scouting chief, Mr. Frank H. Pabodie, and make sure he’s sold on Mr. Friedek as a legitimate prospect. If he is, then please call Mr. Friedek’s agent and offer him some “silly money” as a signing bonus.
Caleca: Of course, Ms. Vitale. Did you have a figure in mind?
Sox Owner Vinnie "Silly Money" Vitale
Caleca (whistles): Vinnie is going to be, uh, surprised.
Benny (smiles unconcernedly): If Vincent didn’t want us to spend the money, then he shouldn’t have put it in the budget. Are there any other of these UMEBA draft waifs available?
Caleca: A couple, yeah. There’s another pitcher, and a first baseman or two who look like they might have some pop. One of ‘em’s a Sacramento castoff, though.
Benny: So long as they’re minor league contracts and we’re not spending anything that will count towards the salary cap, why don’t you confer with Mr. Pabodie and agree on a couple of other offers. Especially that poor lad from Sacramento. Imagine what he must have been through!
Ávila: This seems highly irregular … what will Mr. Vitale think?
Benny (laughs): Oh, Vincent will think whatever I tell him to think. Run along now, gentlemen. I have some calls to make.
Recording Ends
***
Transaction blurbs from the league office, dated May 21, 2045
Chicago Black Sox: Signed free agent RP Adolph Friedek to a minor league contract with a $9,065,000 signing bonus.
Chicago Black Sox: Signed free agent 1B Michael MacKeon to a minor league contract with a $1,565,000 signing bonus.
Chicago Black Sox: Signed free agent 1B César Montoya to a minor league contract with a $2,065,000 signing bonus.
***
iPhone Audio Recording
(Sox GM Benny Vitale can be heard answering her mobile phone).
Benny: Ah, good morning, Vincent! To what do I owe the pleasure?
Sox Owner Vinnie Vitale: Goddamn it, Benedetta! I just saw the transaction wire! What the frick are you doing with my money …
Recording ends
