Vinnie Vitale: Damn it, Benny. I’m tellin’ ya, we should get a rebate on those damn extensions you handed to Moelling and Wattson.
GM Benny Vitale
Vinnie: Nonsense? We paid Molehill $104 mil and Rocky & Bullwinkle $73 mil, and what’d we get for our … no, no … scratch that … my generosity?
Benny (sighs): I know you’re going to tell me, Vincent, so just go ahead. Out with it!
Vinnie: Damn right I’m gonna tell ya. Here’s what we got: Molecular goes out and gives up 7 runs in 4 innings on Opening Day, for frick’s sake. And Rocket J. Squirrel hits .188 for the first week. So you tell me, Benedetta. Did we get our $177 million worth?
Benny: It’s early, Vincent. We haven’t even had a full week of games.
Vinnie: That’s no damn excuse. For that kinda money I at least expect a quality start and an average somewhere over the Mendoza line. Capisce?
Benny (exasperated): Well, what do you expect me to do about, Vincent?
Vinnie: I told you already. I want a rebate: from Molehead, I want $91,710.75 and from Rocket Man, I want $64,814.81.
Rocky Wattson
Amayas Moelling
Vinnie: Damn straight. It’s $104 million divided by 1,134 games and $73 million divided by 1,134 games.
Benny (dismissive): For one thing, Vincent, neither of them has started on their extensions yet. They’re both playing on their old contracts which run through the end of the season. Plus, do you have any idea the kind of stink the players’ association would put up if you started charging players for bad games?
Vinnie: Do I seem like I give a rip, Benedetta?
Benny: As usual, no, you do not. But I don’t care what you want, Vincent. I am not going to charge Mr. Moelling or Mr. Wattson for getting off to slow starts. It doesn’t work like that.
Vinnie: Hmmpphh. Well. I’ll tell you one thing: I’m ordering Binky, the clubhouse guy, to bar those two guys from the post-game buffet until they do something to earn all that money I’m givin’ ‘em.
And, by the way, what are doin’ to earn your keep, Benny?
Benny: Me? I’m spending my day on pest control.
Vinnie: Pest control? What kinda pests?
Benny: The loudmouth Italian owner kind, Vincent. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to work.
(Call ends)
