(The camera shows Black Sox General Manager Benedetta Vitale pacing back and forth in her office, in front of a blonde wood writing desk that is empty of everything except her large screen iMac computer. On the screen are messages from two players: catcher Hotha Popo and 3B Luis González.
(Abruptly, Benny stops pacing, pulls her iPhone from an inside pocket of her pink tailored suit jacket, and calls her brother-in-law, Sox owner Vinnie Vitale. He takes the call.)
Benny Vitale: Hello, Vincent?
Sox GM Benny Vitale
Benny: I am furious, Vincent, and I just had to vent to someone.
Vinnie: What? Billy Boy is still on the road?
Benny: Yes, Mr. McGuffin is still on the road with Mr. Caleca.
Vinnie: Still no luck finding the International Complex, eh?
Benny: No. It is proving elusive, Vincent.
Vinnie: Ah. Well, good. So, what’s on your mind, Benny?
Benny: You are aware, I’m sure, that Mr. Hotha Popo and Mr. Luis González were unhappy that they were used only in platoon roles this season.
Vinnie: Yeah, I heard some rumblings …
Benny: Well, they did more than rumble with me, Vincent. They both sent me numerous emails complaining about their playing time and threatening to leave the team. Then, I got a note from Mr. González’s agent demanding a trade to a team “who respects his talent level.”
Vinnie: Yeah, so? I know you didn’t trade him.
Benny: No, of course I didn’t trade him, Vincent. I would have told you about that.
Vinnie: There’s a point in here somewhere, I assume?
Benny: Of course, there’s a point: I just got messages that both of them have exercised their contract options and want to stay with the team. After all those messages and trade demands, they’re staying?
Vinnie: Of course they’re staying.
Benny: And why is that?
Vinnie: Well, two reasons: No. 1, we’re so damn lovable.
Sox Owner Vinnie "I'm a Teddy Bear" Vitale
Vinnie: We’re payin’ ‘em too damn much. Why would they go to free agency when they know they’ll never match what they’re mooching outta my own damn pocket?
Benny (sighs): You’re right, Vincent. I know you’re right. Maybe not about the lovable part …
Vinnie: What’re you talkin’ about? We’re so lovable we’re like America’s sweethearts.
Benny: Don’t be absurd, Vincent. You’re a tow truck and hazardous waste disposal magnate. You are not lovable.
Vinnie: You wound me, Benedetta. I’m a teddy bear.
Benny (sighs again): Yes, yes. So what should I do, Vincent? About Mr. Popo and Mr. González?
Vinnie: I’m not sure you do anything, Benny. Popo’s still got a few years left on the contract. He’s still a decent player … you can’t just cut him. We could probably eat one year of González’s contract if we found someone we really wanted to sign out of free agency, but I’d rather not throw $13 million down the drain for nothin.’ That’s a lotta fruit baskets.
Benny: Damn it, Vincent. I’m afraid you’re right. We’re stuck, aren’t we?
Vinnie: ‘Fraid so, Benny.
Benny: Well, at least we dumped that horrible Dusty Rhodes. He tried to opt in – even though he kept telling everyone how unhappy he was here. But I declined his team option this morning. At least I think I did.
Vinnie: You think you did?
Benny: My computer was acting up a bit this morning. Our IT consultants said our system had contracted an OOTP 21 virus, but they quarantined it before it could cause any trouble. But I couldn’t tell if my email informing Mr. Rhodes that he should hit the road went through or not.
Vinnie: Well, you might wanna make sure of that …
Benny: I have a note into the BBA Commissioner’s Office asking that they confirm.
Vinnie: OK. Good. So, how’d we get an OOTP 21 virus, anyway?
Luis González
Hotha Popo
Dusty Rhodes
Vinnie: Yeah. It reeks of Yellow Snow, doesn’t it?
Benny: That would be my guess, Vincent. Or Portland. They seem awfully jealous of our Blueprint™.
Vinnie: It’s a good thing I’m so damn lovable, or there might be some more pig poop in Yellow Snow’s future.
Benny: No need to do anything rash, Vincent. We have revenge enough already.
Vinnie: How’s that?
Benny: They’re living in Yellow Springs, and we’re not.
Vinnie: An excellent point. OK, Benny. Give me a buzz if you need anything else – or if you hear from McGuffin about the complex.
Benny: Goodbye, Vincent. At this moment, you do seem rather lovable.
Vinnie: I’m tellin’ ya, I’m a sweetie!
[Call and video end]
