(The video shows a conference room in the team offices at Black Sox Park. The room is dominated by a large conference table, and the walls are covered in white boards. Seated around the table are Sox General Manager Vic Caleca, Asst. GM Bill McGuffin, Bench Coach Ken Jenkins, and Manager Bret Richards).
Vic Caleca: … and as this chart shows, our offensive production dipped precipitously when Mark Simpson went down with his ankle injury in July …
GM Caleca
Vinnie Vitale (looking surprised to see everyone): Whoa. Full house … hey, what are you guys doing?
Caleca: We’re doing our post-mortem on the season, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Well, you’re gonna have to vacate soon, boys. The changeover is happening in about an hour.
Caleca: The changeover? What’re you talking about, Vinnie?
Vinnie: Don’t tell me you forgot already. When we announced the construction of Sox Park, I told you – told everyone – that from October to March, South Side Towing would be using it as our overflow lot.
Caleca: Yeah, so? Why do we need to vacate? They’ll just be using the parking lots around the stadium, right?
Vinnie: No, no, no. Since we got the excess capacity, so to speak, we’re gonna repave our main Cal City and Dolton lots and Billy’s gonna move his dispatch operation to Sox Park while we do that.
Caleca: There won’t be room for our front office and Billy’s folks, too?
Vinnie: Nope. You guys are gonna have to vamoose for a few months.
Caleca: Well, Jesus, Vinnie, how’s that gonna work?
Vinnie: You can use one of the conference rooms over at the Motel 6, if you need somewhere.
Caleca: Wait. The Cal City Motel 6 has conference rooms?
Vinnie: Of course. It's a full service operation. They’ll take good care of ya - I know the owner. What do you guys do in the off-season anyway?
Bret Richards: An excellent question …
Sox owner Vinnie "Full Service" Vitale
Vinnie: That you, Bret? How’s it goin’?
Bret: Good, Vinnie.
Vinnie: You guys really blew chunks down the stretch there, Bret.
Bret: Don't I know it ...
Caleca: Um, excuse me, guys. What do we do in the off-season, Vinnie? We plan for the season ahead, we handle free agency, we look at trades …
Vinnie: We don’t trade. So forget that.
Caleca: Well, whatever. We look at what went right and what went wrong – like our post-mortem today …
Vinnie: Well, how tough is that? We sucked. The offense sucked, then Simpson got hurt and it really sucked hard, the starting pitching looked better than it really was because of the new ballpark, and the bullpen was pretty good. I miss anything?
Bill McGuffin: Well, actually, no …
Vinnie: OK. I just did your post-mortem for you. Get a room over at the Motel 6 and figure out how to fix that shit and get back to me. Meanwhile, Billy’s gotta get set up, we gotta cover the outfield so we can use it for parking …
Caleca: You gotta use the outfield? The stadium parking lots won’t cover it?
Vinnie: Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. Besides, the outfields are secure parking for more ... let's say high-ticket ... vehicles. We’re planning ahead – which you jokers should really consider.
Caleca: We’re trying, Vinnie. That’s why we’re doing the post-mortem …
Vinnie: Yeah, yeah. I just did that for ya: offense sucks, starting pitching sucks … go fix it.
Caleca: Well, OK.
Vinnie: But do it later at the “6”, OK? McDuffy …
McGuffin: Did you mean me, sir?
Vinnie: Of course, how many McDucks work there?
Caleca: Well, actually none, Vinnie. It’s McGuffin …
Vinnie: Uh, huh. Anyway, McDougall, call the Motel 6, tell ‘em you’ll need a conference room for a few days …
Bill McGuffin
Vinnie: A few weeks, however long it takes for you guys to figure out why the offense sucks … but however long it is, you can’t do it the stadium.
Caleca (sighs): OK, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Hey, I told you we were gonna use Sox Park year-round. This ain’t a surprise.
Caleca: Well, I figured we could share the space with Billy …
Vinnie: Billy don’t like to share. Off to the “6”, boys …
Caleca: OK, Vinnie. Talk to you later …
Vinnie: Yeah, I’ll call ya. I might need you to see if you can get in touch with Helga over in Yellow Springs. We got a couple questions …
Caleca: You mean Heidi? I don’t think she’s gonna want to talk to me. We didn’t exactly part on good terms …
Vinnie: Well, she’ll talk to you more likely than she’ll talk to me. It’s OK. We’ll chat this afternoon.
Caleca: OK, Vinnie.
(Call ends)
McGuffin: Guess I should call the Motel 6, huh?
Caleca: Yeah. I guess so.
McGuffin (laughs): The Black Sox doin’ it in style!
Caleca: Crap. I wonder if I’ve still got that number for Mumbai …
[Video ends]
