(Camera view shows the office Black Sox GM Vic Caleca, furnished with a modest wooden desk, a couple of chairs for visitors, and a series of photos on the wall behind the desk showing the team’s new stadium under construction. Caleca’s iPhone XXI rings, he sees that it’s team owner Vinnie Vitale, and he answers immediately.)
Vic Caleca: Hey, Vinnie. What’s up?
Vinnie Vitale: Hey, Vic. We need to talk about that damn Blueprint™ memo. How'd that sucker leak?
Caleca (sighs): Yeah. That wasn’t ideal – nobody was supposed to see that but staff.
Vinnie: Well, it leaked somehow. Wasn’t you, was it?
Vinnie "Adjustable Wrench" Vitale
Vinnie (laughs): It ain’t that hard, Vic.
Caleca: What?
Vinnie: Making you look like an idiot. All I gotta do is introduce you, say ‘Caleca’s gonna say a few words,’ and then step back. Job done!
Caleca (glumly): Gee, thanks, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Nah. We kid because we love. I knew it wasn’t you, but I hadda ask. You know what this means, though …
Caleca: What?
Vinnie: We got a rat on staff. Somebody who got that memo about The Blueprint™ and gave it to that damn Mandy Anderson. That got that Carl Williams out in Portland all hot and bothered …
Caleca: You mean Chris Wilson?
Vinnie: That’s what I said. Anyway, that numbnuts called the feds. The feds! You know, I can’t be having the feds too interested in my, um, business dealings, capeesh?
Caleca: Why? This team runs squeaky clean ...
Vinnie: Not the team. My other businesses are … let’s say tricky. Towing and hazardous waste can both be a little tricky.
Caleca: What do you mean?
Vinnie: Lottsa rules and regs, if you get my drift. You can’t always follow every single little rule and reg … you’d never get nothing done, capeesh? Nothin’ big or nothin’, but you cut some corners here and there to get by.
Caleca: Um, Vinnie?
Vinnie: Yeah?
Caleca: Let’s not have this conversation, OK?
GM Vic Caleca
Caleca: … Wilson …
Vinnie: … all stirred up about his dumb Master Cylinder and called the cops.
Caleca: Master Plan™, and how do you want me to go about that?
Vinnie: I want you to find the leak and fix it. Bring in some plumbers, if you know what I mean, or I can send in a couple of fixers I know who can do it nice and discrete like.
Caleca: Plumbers? Really? This isn’t exactly Watergate, Vinnie.
Vinnie: I don’t follow.
Caleca: Nixon? Watergate? Howard Hunt and G. Gordon Liddy? The White House plumbers?
Vinnie (irked): Nixon? Wasn’t he a utility guy with the Hustlers back in the 90s? Bad bat, bad hands?
Caleca (rolls his eyes): No, no. Richard Nixon. The president? He had … never mind. Don’t bring anyone in – Bill McGuffin and I will ask around.
Vinnie: McGuffin?
Caleca: My assistant GM.
Vinnie: Ah. You don’t think McGillicutty coulda leaked it?
Caleca: No, McGuffin wouldn’t do that. No way.
Vinnie: OK. I’ll give you a couple of days to figure it out, but if you don’t get nowhere, I’ll call a guy I know who can do it.
Caleca: Just hold off. Let Bill and I do it quietly and see how we do.
Vinnie: OK. Just so you know, when we find this asshole I’m takin’ a wrench to him. He won’t leak no more after that … well, he’ll be leakin’ plenty of bodily fluids, but he won’t be leakin’ proprietary intellectual property after that.
Caleca: Jesus, Vinnie. We’re not gonna hurt anybody. We’ll fire ‘em – or worse yet, buy ‘em season tickets.
Vinnie: That ain’t funny, Vic. This is my team. I love my team.
Caleca: I know, I know. I love ‘em, too.
Vinnie: Ok. I’ll call Billy over at South Side and tell him no towing shifts for a couple of days while you make like a plumber, OK?
Caleca: OK, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Just so's you know, I think I got a line on where that goofball out in Portland parks his SUV, too. I got some towing, um, colleagues out on the coast what owe me some favors. I might tow that Winston guy’s …
Caleca: … Wilson …
Vinnie: Yeah, that’s what I said. Anyway, I might tow his vehicle to the bottom of Puget Sound.
Caleca: I don’t think Puget Sound is anywhere near Portland, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Yeah, that’s the beauty of it. Nobody'll look for it there …
Caleca: Ahhh. OK. Well, you got anything else, Vinnie?
Vinnie: Nope. Find our leak, OK? I got my wrench all ready for ‘em.
Caleca: We'll take care of it, Vinnie.
Vinnie: You and McCracken ...
Caleca: ... McGuffin ...
Vinnie: Yeah, whoever. You two'll be just like Mario and Luigi - a couple of first-class plumbers.
Caleca: Does plumbing pay better than tow truck driving?
Vinnie: Dunno. But they both pay better than general managing, I bet.
Caleca: That's what I figured. OK. I'll let you know what we find.
Vinnie: Sounds good. I'm gonna go oil up my wrench ...
Caleca: Jesus.
[Call and video end.]
