(It's May 5, 2040, and Sox Asst. GM Bill McGuffin walks into the front office conference room to find GM Vic Caleca slumped in a chair, looking off into space. Clearly, he’s depressed.)
Bill McGuffin: Hey boss. You look bummed – what’s up?
Vic Caleca: Ah, I was just looking at the overnight Twitter traffic, and a couple of guys were gleeful that our run differential had slipped back into the red. (Shakes his head) Man, it was so great being in the green …
McGuffin: What’re you talking about? We’re still in the green.
Caleca: Nah. Didn’t you see? We lost that first game to the Twin Cities 15-1. All the Tweets were saying we're back in the red.
McGuffin: Well, all the Tweets are full of it. We lost that one game big, but then we climbed back. We finished the week just 1 game in the red, so overall our run differential is …
Caleca (visibly brightening): Plus one!
GM Vic Caleca
Bill McGuffin
Caleca: You know what this means, don’t you?
McGuffin: Umm … Plus one?
Caleca: More than that, Billy Boy. Take that Plus one and add to it our newly-minted .500 won-loss record …
McGuffin: Yeah?
Caleca: Well, you add that up and you can’t say we’re terrible.
McGuffin (starting to get excited): No, no you cannot.
Caleca: Of course, you can’t say we’re great, either.
McGuffin: Let's not get crazy. ‘Course not.
Caleca: But, and I can't stress this enough, we’re not exactly bad, either.
McGuffin: Nope. Can’t say a positive run differential and .500 record is precisely bad ….
Caleca: Not good, certainly.
McGuffin (growing more agitated by the moment): No, no. Not good, but …
Caleca: Go ahead …
McGuffin: You mean say it out loud?
Caleca: Yes, say it out loud. But don’t say it unless you really mean it.
McGuffin (raises his arms and shouts to the heavens): We’re f*&$ing MEDIOCRE!!!!
McGuffin (Dabs a tear from his eye): We’ve waited so long …
Caleca: At this moment in history, let it be known that the Chicago Black Sox do not suck! We are goddamn fair to middling. We’re tepid. We’re lukewarm tea. We’re so-so … we’re comme ci, comme ça. We’re … we’re …
McGuffin (with obvious pride): Just kinda OK.
Caleca: Damn straight.
(Both men look at each other and sigh in satisfaction).
McGuffin: Binnie’s Beverage Depot run?
Caleca (Bounding out of his chair): I thought you’d never ask …
[Recording Ends]
