(Snippet from WUMP, Sportsradio .730 in Huntsville)
Caller: … I thought they were supposed to be rebuilding, anyway. What the hell are they doing trading prospects for … for … Jesus … relief pitchers?
Host Bo “Bubba” Hotchkins: Well, what do you expect? I heard that Caleca fella is from Chicago, anyway. Them Yankee-fellas have elevators that don’t go to the top floor, if ya know what I mean …
Caller: I know! What a dumbass …
Bubba: Hey, hey. Gotta watch the language. (Laughs) But I cain’t disagree.
(Segment of "Johnson Jottings" column in BBA Weekly by Malcolm Wilkes)
… It defies belief, really.
I mean, the team bumbles and stumbles its way into 3 games out of the Wild Card and this idiot thinks it’s really a contender? So you package two premium prospects for decent – but no more than that – relievers?
One thing you can definitely say is that fella from Omaha really rolled the Phantoms GM.
Whatta dumbass!
(More from WUMP Sportsradio)
Caller: … and you know what else? I’m glad they’re moving to Chicago. Get their sorry butts outta my city, know what I mean?
Bubba: I hear ya!
Caller: I mean what an asinine move. Dumbass.
Bubba: (Sighs, yells to studio engineer): We gotta put this thing on delay. I can’t control ‘em anymore.
Folks, we gotta watch the language or we’re gonna get hammered by the FCC.
Caller: Well, Bubba, someone would need to complain, and I don’t know that anyone would after that trade. Dumbass is as dumbass does. Know what I mean?
(Inside the office of Phantoms’ owner Vinnie Vitale.)
(There’s a knock on the door and GM Vic Caleca sticks his head in. Vitale motions him to a chair across from his desk).
Caleca: You wanted to see me, boss?
Vitale: Yeah, Vic, I did. I just wanted to congratulate you on that move you made last night.
Caleca: You do? You thought it was a good trade?
Vitale: Oh, hell no. It’s a terrible trade. Just brutal. Reminds me of that old Chicago Cubs deal, you know, the one where they traded Lou Brock – he went to the Hall of Fame, you know – for a has-been named Ernie Broglio. And he, Broglio, most certainly did not go to the Hall of Fame. Hall of Infamy, maybe ...
Caleca: (Wary) So, what did you want you want to congratulate me for?
Vitale: Because! Everybody’s so pissed off at you, they completely forgot about me. In fact, I’ve got a whole in-basket of Tweets, texts, e-mails, and holo-messages thanking me for getting the team the hell out of Huntsville!
Caleca: Um … you’re welcome?
Vitale: Ok. Get outta here. Just watch yourself going forward, OK? No more trades. Period. Draft. Sign a free agent or two. Check out the international guys. But no trading. ‘Cause you know what?
Caleca: What?
Vitale: You really are kind of a dumbass.
(Inside Caleca’s car, stopped at a red light near the Huntsville stadium)
(A battered old Ford Ranger pickup truck pulls up beside Caleca’s Honda Accord. The driver of the truck looks over and does a double-take. WUMP Sportsradio is blaring from the pickup’s radio)
Pickup driver: (Puts down his window and yells out): Hey, you that guy from the baseball team?
Caleca: (Sighs audibly): Yep, sure am.
Pickup driver: Nice humpin’ trade, moron.
Caleca: (Grimaces, then shrugs as the light changes)
Pickup Driver: (Laughing as he pulls away): What a dumbass!
Huntsville Headlines 39.040: The Trade
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Re: Huntsville Headlines 39.040: The Trade
According to Pope Playing Pepper's top unpaid intern, Wasim Jeffers Jr., Dooley contracted Herpes from a one-night stand with some bar-floozy in Beloit, and that's, obviously, never good for development. I'd show you the analytics of Herpes' effect on development, but I can't seem to figure out Ron's spreadsheets.
(Edited to correct the incorrect usage of affect/effect)
(Edited to correct the incorrect usage of affect/effect)
Last edited by shoeless.db on Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Huntsville Headlines 39.040: The Trade
(also, stealing format)
Sacramento Mad Popes
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Life is a bit more beautiful when time is measured by the half inning rather than the half hour.
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