35.6. These Are Normal Posts. Find a New Slant

[agrudez]

Unless you have been cryogenically frozen and have only just recently thawed within the last few minutes prior to reading this article, then you have no doubt already heard about the Curious Case of Kyle Stever's burner reddit accounts. Now, before we continue, we should preface this by saying that everything is still *only* allegations (PLEASE DON'T SUE US!); however, it is still worth a deep dive into the postings from these outed accounts - should the allegations prove true - as they were primarily about the MBBA, but they also delved into some non-baseball related topics as well (like reddit user u/lefthandersunite and his strange obsession with pop star Mikki Manning) and even some potential personal avenues (should the allegations prove true, that is) for Stever such as posting about his daughter's pee wee soccer team (like reddit user u/David Sr III whom appears to have some sort of vendetta against the coach of the team for not "playing players in the positions that maximize their skills"... in pee wee soccer). For this article, we will only focus on the MBBA related postings - on suggestion from our lawyers - and what they might mean as it relates to the Phantom's GM's psyche (allegedly).

Posted 3 weeks prior to the trade deadline (seemingly entirely unprompted - oddly enough): "I don't know what everyone sees in that Datiz guy. Sure, he throws hard, but what about all those long balls that he gives up? Every time he gives up a HR, I wish I had a medium sized ladder so that I could climb halfway up it and kick him in his elbow. (editor's note: shortly after the trade deadline, Datiz suffered a career ending injury to his elbow that was entirely unrelated to ladder kicks).

Posted 1 week after the trade deadline (in response to another reddit user u/pepperoni_farts referring to pitcher Heinrich Peithner as the team's 'clear ace'): "Peithner, Peithner, Peithner... it's always about Peithner! I wish everyone knew how lazy Peithner was - he's a total dud! We should be hanging our hats on Juan Nicto instead - what a genius move acquiring that guy was!"

Posted 1 week before the season ended (posted in an article looking back at the team's 2034 season): "If Stever had been brought in before the year, we would've made the playoffs - no doubt in my mind. He's the smartest - and handsomest - GM we could've possibly hoped for. And his sense of style is terrific, too! As a 21 year old woman (which I am) I would totally date him! ... What were we talking about?"

Posted just prior to arbitration hearings (in response to another reddit user u/Potato_Chip_GM whom suggested that Sanchez's team option was a "no brainer" to pick up): "Oh, man... I'm really glad you're not the team's GM. Stick to your potato chips, stupid, and leave the player transactions to your betters, stupid. Sanchez is definitely not worth the money. I'd rather spend 8M on coagulated potato dust formed into a chip shape. Anyway, the team had a deal in the works for him at the deadline, but the loser failed his physical - glad he's gone!"

Posted shortly after the news that the California Crusaders would be changing their stadium dimensions (posted in an article on the subject on r/Crusaders): "It's about time. I am a disabled, elderly, bi-sexual peanut vendor with a Parkinson's diagnosis that works for the Crusaders and everyone hated that stadium. If you ask me, I think they only made it how it was to save money on balls getting lost in the stands. Bunch of cheap skates out there."

Posted just after the conclusion of the expansion draft (in response to another reddit user u/joeybagofeclairs whom did some internet sleuthing around the controversy surrounding the Brooklyn Robins trying to circumvent the expansion draft protection requirements): "Blah, blah, blah... so you caught a team cheating - so what? The league isn't going to do anything. If I was a GM in the MBBA, I'd take their inaction on this as a license to do whatever the h*ck I wanted. It's MBBA Royal Rumble now - no respect for anything or anyone!"

Posted shortly after it was announced that the 2034 Landis winning Havana Sugar Kings were moving cities (in response to another reddit user u/SugarDaddyKing whom - after lamenting about how the team had wronged Havana fans with this decision - went on a riff about the new San Fernando mascot/logo): "Yeah, no, I agree... that bear gives me nightmares."

[RonCo]

That was a worthwhile five minutes.

Enough gossip to ignite several flurries of fakenews.

[agrudez]

Only 5 minutes? I've spent roughly 20 hours on this one. The hole goes deep in Sixers twitter, lol.

[usnspecialist]

I read the Sixers thing the other day and couldn't believe it. This was chuckle worthy.

[Lane]

Excellent!