June 3, 2058
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
CN: Brittani, get the new intern in here. What’s his name? Pat?
BJ: Yessir, I’ll get Mr. Ciffic right away
timid knock on the door
PC: Sir, you rang?
CN: Kid, what did I bring you in here for?
PC: To help make trades, daddy.
CN: What the hell did I tell you about calling me daddy?! You’re not a Nason! I know you look up to me, but I’m just doing someone a favor bringing you on. What kinda name is Pat Ciffic anyway? Croatian?
PC: I’m not sure. Is that all you need?
CN: No, dammit! You’re so dense, Pat Ciffic! You were right about one thing – I did bring you in here to help assess trades. I said we needed to add some depth to our minor league pitching staff. What did you do?
PC: We got Bob Loblaw for someone taken from us in the Rule 5 draft.
CN: Would you care to elaborate…who exactly did we trade and what did we get in return?
PC: We traded away Felix Torres and got Bob Loblaw.
CN: Boy, stop yanking my chain. Who did we get in return!?
PC: Bob Loblaw…
CN: You’re pissing me off. I’m gonna ask you one last time. WHO. DID. WE. GET?
PC: A starting pitcher from Calgary. Scouts say he’ll be alright, but probably not a major factor.
BJ: Sir, your lunch is ready.
CN: Did you get me what I requested? I’m hungry.
BJ: Yessir, I’ll bring in the lobster bisque right away.
CN: Ok Pat, maybe I’m just hangry. A pitcher. Ok, we needed some depth so any arm is useful, I suppose. Who else? We needed some bullpen arms.
PC: After Bob Loblaw, we got Yadaya Dayada from Rocky Mountain.
CN: Listen here, kid. I don’t have time for your bullshit. I can’t win games with ‘blah blah blah’ or ‘yada yada yada’ on the mound. I need names!!
PC: But sir, those are their names.
CN: Hardee-har-har. I can read the headlines now: ‘Blah Blah Blah Pitches 8 Shutout Innings and Then Yada Yada Yada, Bluebirds Win.’ Sure, that’ll be great. Am I being punk’d or something right now? Who put you up to this?
PC: Just doing what I’m told, sir.
CN: Get the hell out of my office. I’ll make trades myself from now on.
