November 1, 2057
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
It appeared early on that there may be a fix in against the Bluebirds in the 2057 Monty. It was all speculation until Game 1 started. A 1st inning single by Roger Kidd was rocketed up the middle into centerfield into Jose Leyva’s glove. Colby Triska hadn’t even reached third base, but 3B coach Raul Cruz aggressively waved Triska to try to score. To no surprise, Triska was thrown out by 4-5 steps and didn’t even attempt a slide.“I can appreciate the aggressiveness,” said GM Chad Nason. “I thought that was a tad more reckless than aggressive, but it’s good to set a tone early in the Monty. No big deal.”
Later in the 4th inning, Majd bin Nawaf reached base with a two out single. Alfonso Gonzáles came to the plate a lined a single to left field. Simple enough. However reports from fans close the field claim they heard someone yell “BOBBLE BOBBLE BOBBLE!” and Cruz was waving his arm like he wanted it to fly it off his body. Bin Nawaf sprinted for third and was easily thrown out to end the inning.
“First to third on a hard hit single to left field?” questioned Nason. “Majd is a great base runner, so I have serious doubts this decision was made on his own. As for the reports of the ‘bobble’ yells, it could have been a bush league move by the Blazers third baseman.”
With two outs in the 5th inning and Brooks Eliot standing on 2nd, Crissy Tingle laced a single into CF. Eliot slipped after the ball was hit and Leyva’s arm certainly wasn’t going to be tested again. Right? RIGHT?! Wrong. Human windmill, Raul Cruz, was once again waving in another runner to score. This time Eliot surrendered at the plate as the ball beat him by a mile and the crowd erupted in boos.
“WTF was that,” continued a now angry Nason. “My boy is a good as it comes on the basepaths. After slipping, there’s no possible way Brooksy thought he could score on his own. There is something fishy going on.”
Immediately after the Bluebirds walked off the field after the top of the 9th in Game 4, Cruz was seen walking dow to the clubhouse, assumptions he was getting the clubhouse prepped for celebration as the Birds enjoyed an 11-3 lead. However, Cruz was nowhere to be seen during the Bluebirds’ celebration.
“I saw him go through a Come Together door,” said club assistant Brittani Johannson. “The whole team has been given strict instructions not to use those devices, so I was confused when I saw him leave when I was setting up the champagne buckets.”
After careful investigation, it’s come to light that Cruz had been receiving monthly paychecks from the Bikini Atoll. It’s suspected that the new revenue created in Bikini is being used by GM Ron Collins in old fashion – spying on the Bluebirds. The former Yellow Springs GM seems to have carried his tricks into the Pacific, but nothing was going to stop the team from winning the Monty this season. Cruz immediately retired from baseball before he could be fired and a legal investigation is forthcoming.
