The Nest | 52.05 | Bluebirds Take Out Trash to the Woods
October 19, 2052
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
Another year, another premature playoff exit for the Sacramento Nad Gropes. The Bluebirds, fresh off their first round bye, decided to toy with hearts of Sacramento fans, much like their GM, @shoeless.db has done all season long. Sure, Nashville could have swept the disheartened Popes in four games, but where is the fun in that? Like a pod or orcas circling a wounded seal, the Bluebirds let go of their prey in Game 1, gifting the Popes with an element of hope.Rubén Vázquez proved he was one of the league’s best pitchers, shutting down Nashville’s potent lineup, allowing only 4 hits in 7 IP of scoreless ball. Nashville ace, Barney Lindsay, pitched nearly as well, with a first inning RBI double being the only real damage, though it proved enough to give Sacramento the 1-0 victory.
With Sacramento now foolishly filled with hope and home field advantage, the Bluebirds leaned on Adrian Custello to put the Popes back in their place. The righty hurled 6+ IP of brilliant shut out baseball before handing over the ball to Steven Clayton and Quirke Roddis to seal a 2-0 victory. A third inning two-run blast by Silk favorite, Wafid Bishr, crushed the Popes’ spirits early and Sac fans were already seen curling into their winter hibernation dens.
Southpaw, John Dawson, was tasked with continuing the humiliation in Game 3. Wanting to give the fans an early tease, Dawson allowed two early baserunners and induced a fly out to RF Martin Hemming, who fired a bullet to home plate to end the inning.
“Shoeless likes to tell me I’m the fastest player in the league,” said Dallas Dixon. “I’m led to believe I can just walk in from third on this pop fly, but then this ball just gets fired into home like Henry Rowengartner threw it and the ump calls me out. My ego felt so deflated.”
Tony Frost and German Romero showed the Popes real baseball with a pair of solo jacks the following inning. Overpaid Euro star, Helmut Grün, continued the free hitting clinic in the 3rd with his own solo blast and Romero starting charging admission after launching another homer off Sacramento southpaw, Joe King. After tacking on two more runs in the 8th, the Bluebirds almost forgot they were supposed to be baiting the Popes, so they put in Juan Cerda to do what he’s been doing all year and allow an inherited runner to score along with three of his own. Nashville would head into Game 4 with a 2-1 lead and still giving the Popes a little bit of hope.
Slugger German Romero
Fearing Sacramento would stop trying altogether, the Birds threw their sixth best starting pitcher to see how the Popes would fare. The plan worked beautifully, allowing the Popes to win 7-2 and evening the series at two games apiece and ensuring at least one more home game to generate extra revenue. In a sheer act of comedy and boredom, the Bluebirds announced they would win the next game by the exact same score they lost in Game 4. And that they did. Lindsay threw six shutout innings and with the score 7-1 headed into the bottom of the 9th, Nashville intentionally allowed Sacramento to score before closing out the 7-2 victory.
Now back in Nashville, the Bluebirds had two chances to eliminate the Popes once and for all. However, greedy GM Chad Nason wanted to optimize profits and folded Game 6 to push a Game 7, further toying with the hearts of Camachoites and making Nashville fans pay gate fees twice. After plating one run in each of the 3rd and 4th innings, manager, Sylvester Reed, got a call from the upstairs.
“Stop. We want to keep this as close as possible,” said GM Chad Nason. “Let them get on the board and don’t score again. Keep it a one run game, keeping those Dopes drooling with hope, then we close it out. We also have to keep their GM interested long enough and filled with enough optimism to come back for another season and keep the torturing alive. Score too often and he’ll just quit.”
The messaged was well-heard and Nashville would cruise to a 2-1 series clinching victory. Romero was named series MVP with a .385 BA, 2 HR, 3 RBI, and 3 R, however, Steven Clayton was a close runner-up with 11 shutout innings in relief.
RHP Steven Clayton
Up next are #Heartland foes, Twin Cities River Monsters, which should be a thrilling matchup; one which Nason also goes 7 games.
