Nashville Vice Chairman, Hank Bones, Jr., pounds his desk with his fist
HB: “LELAND! Into my office! NOW!”
Disgraced former YS9 Asst. GM, Leland Mathews, nervously peaks through the door
LM: “Yes, boss?”
HB: “You’re slacking. The Nine were playing .500 ball over the first two months of the season, as planned, but they’re picking it up. They won 18 games last month! What’s going on?!?”
LM: “Well, the absorbing paint didn’t last as long as we hoped, so the more it peels, the less effective it becomes at numbing the Nine’s bats.”
HB: “Is that all you’ve done to help? We’ve been paying you under the table for years and you’ve only managed to accomplish ONE job?!?”
LM: “Boss, I’ve been in hiding. I haven’t had much opportunity to get anything else done. What is you need done next? I’ll do it. Anything.”
HB: “No, Leland. You obviously can’t handle these type of tasks. You’re too much of a liability. You wouldn’t be hiding so much if you didn’t get caught in the first place. I’ve got just the guy for this new job. Someone I met on my home island in Hawaii. Now GTFO of my office.”
Mathews opens the door to be greeted by two large security guards
HB: “Goodbye, Leland…”
Bones Jr. picks up the phone and makes a call
HB: “Harris, it’s Bones. My dad is getting old…quickly. This is gonna be my team soon and things will be different. Dad was OK with mediocrity and, let’s be honest, even sucking. I wasn’t a culture of winning and want to clear all obstacles in our way."
DH: “What did you have in mind?”
HB: “There’s always been one major obstacle in the Heartland, and it’s in bum-fuck Ohio. I have an idea, though.”
DH: “I’d love to help, but my services are in pretty high demand these days.”
HB: “Money is no obstacle, and you will be handsomely rewarded. Put your other jobs on hold.”
DH: “You know I always work for the highest bidder. I’ve got an idea. When @RonCo isn’t running the Nine, he has a hobby as a writer. If we can make that hobby distract him long enough, the Nine will plummet.”
Bones puts his hands together and leans back in his chair
HB: “Excellent. How can we get this accomplished?”
DH: “It’s gonna cost you more than my fee, but buy as many of his books as you can. Once he becomes a best seller, he will forget the team.”
HB: “Genius! I’m on it!”
A few days pass by
Harris calls Bones
HB: “Harris! You motherloving genius! I think this is going to work. We have got him against the ropes. His rise to fame is surely in the works. I saw this article the other day. I’ll send it to you.”
Harris’s phone buzzes
DH: “Perfect. Now the rest of the dominoes will begin to fall. The Nine shouldn’t be a problem any longer.”
click
