The Nest | 47.24 | Promotional Auction Goes Awry
Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2021 3:59 pm
Promotional Auction Goes Awry
June 16, 2047
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
The Nashville Bluebirds entire marketing team has been terminated after a promotional event backfired earlier this month. In an effort to raise funds for the Nashville Needy Foundation, the Bluebirds ran a promotional silent auction for the ability to write the lineup card for any Bluebirds game in July. When the contest ended at the end of the month, the NNF was elated to hear that the winning bid was $469,000. Officials expected the amount to not exceed $50,000 and were excited to meet the anonymous bidder and why they had selected such a high amount to donate.
When the winning bidder approached the podium at Les Paul Field, fans and press applauded loudly to the chagrin of Nashville staff once they realized the anonymous bidder was none other than Mikki Manning. The wife of former Nine Hall of Famer, Lucas McNeill, strutted to the podium and removed her large sun hat and sunglasses to reveal a devilish smirk.
“Firstly, I just want to thank the Nashville Bluebirds organization for putting on such a lovely display of gratitude for the less fortunate,” said Manning. “I am so happy to be able to contribute to such a wonderful organization and decided on $1,000 for each of my hubby’s home runs. Secondly, despite Nashville stealing our boy away from us, I am happy to give Bumper his first shot at the BBA. He is clearly better than the other lamentable beings in Nashville, so he will be starting at shortstop next week when the Bluebirds travel to Yellow Springs to play the Nine!”
SS Sammy 'Bumper' McNeill
After wrapping up her thank you speech, Manning was escorted off the stage by front office staff and security.
“After looking into the details of the promotion, we had no fine print and rules and regulations,” said GM Chad Nason. “However, the auction was for the ability to submit a lineup card of the winner’s choosing, not the ability to make transactions and call up minor leaguers. As much as we love Sammy, he will be staying put in the minors for the time being. In addition, the Bluebirds have chosen to match the winning bid of $469,000 and help with the less fortunate Bluebirds fan base.”
Unhappy with the news that the auction was limited to players on the current roster, Manning begrudgingly filled out the lineup card as expected for the June 4th showdown at Yellow Springs. It was not pretty.
Manning deliberately put the Bluebirds in a difficult position by leading off with SS Reynante Alvero. This may have originally been slated for McNeill, but nonetheless, the SS batting .224 was the new leadoff man per the auction rules. CF Reed Graham and his .191 AVG would follow him before being substituted for the heavy hitting Niccolo Machiavelli and his .185 AVG. Apparently 1B Edgardo Diaz and his 1.093 OPS found the perfect home in the 8 hole of the lineup. Despite the cringe-worthy lineup, the Bluebirds forced the Nine to use nine pitchers in the loss and spoiling another fantastic start by rookie Adrian Custello. Players were rightfully livid in the clubhouse after the game.
“You believe this [expletive],” yelled 3B Tony Frost. “We tryna make the playoffs for the first time in forever and they full a stunt like this. Every game matters, especially against those [expletive] guys. Makes me rethink signing here long term with that kinda management. I expected a tough battle to make the playoffs, but the money was worth it. Now…I dunno man. I’m out!”
3B Tony Frost
June 16, 2047
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
The Nashville Bluebirds entire marketing team has been terminated after a promotional event backfired earlier this month. In an effort to raise funds for the Nashville Needy Foundation, the Bluebirds ran a promotional silent auction for the ability to write the lineup card for any Bluebirds game in July. When the contest ended at the end of the month, the NNF was elated to hear that the winning bid was $469,000. Officials expected the amount to not exceed $50,000 and were excited to meet the anonymous bidder and why they had selected such a high amount to donate.
When the winning bidder approached the podium at Les Paul Field, fans and press applauded loudly to the chagrin of Nashville staff once they realized the anonymous bidder was none other than Mikki Manning. The wife of former Nine Hall of Famer, Lucas McNeill, strutted to the podium and removed her large sun hat and sunglasses to reveal a devilish smirk.
“Firstly, I just want to thank the Nashville Bluebirds organization for putting on such a lovely display of gratitude for the less fortunate,” said Manning. “I am so happy to be able to contribute to such a wonderful organization and decided on $1,000 for each of my hubby’s home runs. Secondly, despite Nashville stealing our boy away from us, I am happy to give Bumper his first shot at the BBA. He is clearly better than the other lamentable beings in Nashville, so he will be starting at shortstop next week when the Bluebirds travel to Yellow Springs to play the Nine!”
SS Sammy 'Bumper' McNeill
After wrapping up her thank you speech, Manning was escorted off the stage by front office staff and security.
“After looking into the details of the promotion, we had no fine print and rules and regulations,” said GM Chad Nason. “However, the auction was for the ability to submit a lineup card of the winner’s choosing, not the ability to make transactions and call up minor leaguers. As much as we love Sammy, he will be staying put in the minors for the time being. In addition, the Bluebirds have chosen to match the winning bid of $469,000 and help with the less fortunate Bluebirds fan base.”
Unhappy with the news that the auction was limited to players on the current roster, Manning begrudgingly filled out the lineup card as expected for the June 4th showdown at Yellow Springs. It was not pretty.
Manning deliberately put the Bluebirds in a difficult position by leading off with SS Reynante Alvero. This may have originally been slated for McNeill, but nonetheless, the SS batting .224 was the new leadoff man per the auction rules. CF Reed Graham and his .191 AVG would follow him before being substituted for the heavy hitting Niccolo Machiavelli and his .185 AVG. Apparently 1B Edgardo Diaz and his 1.093 OPS found the perfect home in the 8 hole of the lineup. Despite the cringe-worthy lineup, the Bluebirds forced the Nine to use nine pitchers in the loss and spoiling another fantastic start by rookie Adrian Custello. Players were rightfully livid in the clubhouse after the game.
“You believe this [expletive],” yelled 3B Tony Frost. “We tryna make the playoffs for the first time in forever and they full a stunt like this. Every game matters, especially against those [expletive] guys. Makes me rethink signing here long term with that kinda management. I expected a tough battle to make the playoffs, but the money was worth it. Now…I dunno man. I’m out!”
3B Tony Frost