March 31, 2046
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
When Bluebirds brass approached the Valencia Stars about their surplus of first basemen, Miguel Maez stood out for a couple of reasons. For one, the right-handed slugger was a perfect fit for one of Nashville’s biggest needs to combat left-handed pitching, but almost more noticeable was Maez’s immense lack of motivation. Sources say there were more than one opponents of acquiring Maez, despite his seemingly perfect fit into the lineup.
1B Miguel Maez
“The kid ain’t got any heart,” said Senior Scout of Non-Analytics, Robert ‘Whitey’ Buckson. “He mopes around all day until it’s his turn to swing the lumber, then goes back to the dugout to take a nap. No place for laziness in this game.”
After two hours in the boardroom, GM Chad Nason pulled the trigger based off the analysis of his numbers guys.
“Miguel possesses amazing bat to ball skills, especially against LHP. He has a career OPS over .900 between the minors and his time in Valencia,” said Vice President of Analytics, Hayden Johnson. “The numbers tell us he should be able to provide an additional 1.3 wins over a replacement player even with a limited role.”
Turns out the old timers might not get enough credit, because although the trade was agreed upon on March 19, Maez did not report to camp until March 31, after the final spring training game was finished. When asked why it took him nearly two weeks to report, Maez said “I was just playing video games while I was waiting for the moving company to pick up everything, but they didn’t show up. Then I figured I just had the wrong day scheduled, so I kept gaming and expected them to arrive the next day. They kept no-showing so I just kept gaming. I wasn’t gonna risk getting hurt moving furniture.”
“I told them,” said Whitey. “I told them that type of player would need a few weeks to get some sorta motivation before making any impact for the team. Now he’s here and still frozen from the winter. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t start hitting until mid-season.”
Whitey Buckson
