December 1, 2051
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
Fueled by the disappointment of an early playoff exit and aided by the opt out by Dennis French, the Nashville Bluebirds decided to make a splash in free agency. With Tony Frost extending his contract, the Birds didn’t have many glaring holes. One area they could receive an upgrade, however, was second base. Bing-de Zhào performed admirably last season, but is too large a risk as he spends more time on the IL than @7teen spends at coffee shops. Candy Saswata is a fine option, and while the young hitter shows plenty of upside, he has yet to hit his stride in the BBA. Free agents seem to be asking for exorbitant amounts despite the market being saturated, so what to do with $30 million of cap space?Helmut Grün – that’s what.
“It’s not every day the best player from the GBC becomes available, so when he does, you gotta jump on it,” said GM Chad Nason. “Helmut is a generational type talent in our eyes, so while he doesn’t exactly fit into our prototypical roster, you change the roster around for that kind of player.”
Grün isn’t your typical fleet-footed second baseman, no. In fact, you can hardly call him a second baseman. The reigning two-time GBC Player of the Year has spent most of his career playing 1B, but has dabbled at 2B and with the Frick League Silk winner currently manning 1B for the Bluebirds, Nason is left to do some gymnastics to get Grün into the lineup. Nason must think very highly of his bat, because he signed Grün to a monstrous 6 year $94 million deal that pays him $23 million the first year. For that much money it is expected that Grün will win more games with his bat than he will lose with his glove.
Very rich man, Helmut Grun
In four seasons in the GBC, one of which was cut short due to a broken knee cap, Grün has batted .344 with 70 HR and 20.3 WAR. Those numbers don’t always translate so well to the BBA and some fans are left questioning the move.
“WTF is Nason smoking,” says longtime Bluebirds fan, Hunter Cooper. “He is usually pretty conservative with his moves, but this is way outta the norm for this club. All that money for a guy who never even step foot in America?!”
Hunter Cooper
The young Austrian has had no problem acclimating to America yet and has handled the paparazzi wonderfully. Reporters have mentioned him spending copious amounts of time in the trainer’s room, so this signing could go terribly and many are asking the question:
Did Nason just steer a ship destined for greatness into the rocks? Time will tell.
