Slugger Shavings 2038.8 - "Commie Child" recuperates

[sjshaw]

All-world pitching prospect Armando "Commie Child" Feliciano continues to rehab his devastating UCL tear suffered earlier this season. "Initially, I thought my career was over, and I would have to go back to running my multinational hedge fund," said avowed capitalist Feliciano.

As your intrepid journalist reacted with shock to Feliciano's backup career, he laughed. "It's an ironic nickname, dude," he said with a smirk. "Yeah, I'm from Panama, but my family didn't herd goats or whatever the fuck you white people think we do there. Hell, we Panamanians got the US to give us back the Canal. We know how to negotiate."

Despite not being able to throw a fake baseball until early next year, somehow Feliciano has managed to improve his pitching control ability. "Pitching is mostly mental. And physical. And cocaine. But mostly mental and cocaine," said Feliciano. "I've been practicing positive visualization therapy, and it's doing wonders. That and the cocaine."