The Brewster

Why in the hell did you open this team news? Do you enjoy seeing me lose? Is that it? Are you one of those BBA perverts who gets off seeing guys who've had some success in this league all of sudden become nothing more than automatic wins for the rest of the Johnson League? Are you sitting in your dank little office diddling yourself to the standings? Can't rise to the occasion without see a winning percentage below .310? Does your wife know you're thinking about the Robins as you pant like a fat bulldog in her ear? Would she even care, though, since she's been picturing some beefy hunk in a Bluebirds' uniform for over a decade?

Pathetic.

Here's the stats that matter (or don't matter in our case):

Robins record as of May 28, 2063: 16-36
Winning percentage: .308
One-run game record: 8-14
Games out of first: 18
Mental state of OOTP GM: 1110011001101100000001
Mental state of real life GM: Frustrated
Areas needing improvement: All
Favorite player of real life GM: Ryan Harmon
Reason for being the favorite: Signed for peanuts and is pitching lights out (324 ERA+)
Meaning of ERA+: No idea. But it's high, and I think that's good in this instance.
Favorite player of OOTP GM: Every player on the opposing teams
Plum Island Robisquitos record: 33-19
Players labeled as HOT on Plum Island: Seven
Level of insanity of seeing seven players HOT on one team: High
Players who should be called up to Cobble Hill from Plum Island: Three
Why are they not being called up: They're young and Cobble Hill sucks donkey tit
Robisquito player who needs to start developing quick: Ramón Buettner (Age 24; POT 8/7/10; Current 5/5/4)
Player most likely to be sent to the bowels within a facility on Plum Island: Ramón Buettner
Robins #1 draft pick in 2063: Claudio Confer
Favorite ice cream flavor of real life GM: Black Licorice
Favorite name of a stripper real life GM has enjoyed watching: Black Licorice
Percent accuracy of last answer: 0%
Actual name of stripper: Stephanie

Below is some blabber I did on the discord forums:

I feel like a sucker for actually trying to translate the binary.

shoeless.db wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 11, 2025 4:01 pm

Do you enjoy seeing me lose?

Are you acquainted with The Walkoff Watch?

And black licorice flavor?! That is some nasty stuff. There's a reason you take a sugar cube to absinthe.

Fuck. You caught me in that first paragraph. Was really coming to see what losing looks like.

Jwalk100 wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 11, 2025 6:16 pm

Video of JWALK

Why did you send me a video of yourself? Vain much?

Black licorice, strippers, and Shoeless running up the loss column…these are a few of my favorite things

BaseClogger wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 11, 2025 4:15 pm

I feel like a sucker for actually trying to translate the binary.

Haha i tried to also

I'll keep my thumbs up on this article but in retrospect, I really hate the evergreen title...every time someone comments and "Still in Last Place" becomes bold/unread, I think it's just a new article and then I'm proven wrong.

This is vintage Shoeless and even funnier because the team picked up significantly in the 2nd half. basically our mirror image.