2042.9 Don't Come Around Here No More
Posted: Sat May 23, 2020 3:01 pm
It's bright skies and sunshines in Brooklyn as Robins GM Alan Ehlers enters his office and is greeted by press. The GM wreaks of rum, stale perfume and some sort of indescribable fishy smell.
"Wow what a weekend guys. Am I right?"
"Yes, congrats on the Doubleday win" said the reporter.
"Doubleday win? I'm talking about the Tijuana nightlife... the girls.... the booze… that thing I saw with the donkey?…. HOLY SHIT!
"Are you looking forward to your series in Edmonton?"
"Edmonton? What is there to do in Edmonton? That place is just a hole in the ground, hole in the ground, hole in the ground, hooooolllleee inn thhhhheee grrrrouuuunnndd(fades away)
...keep scrolling
...almost there
...I promise it's soon
The Brooklyn GM has magically turned into a blonde girl and has fallen down a hole into a cartoon fairytale land. He gets up, brushed himself off and tries to regain composure. When a man appears out of nowhere.
"What happened? How did I get here? Why am I wearing a dress? What is with that corny synth music playing? Forget all that... is that Tom Petty?"Hey! It's ok my friend. You are safe down here"
"Where is here. and how did I get here"
"You are in the rabbit hole. And you got here by..... free.... freeeee FAAAAALLIN"
"But... but.. I signed up for a fake baseball sim game. Not some fairly tale Disney shit. I have to get back. The Cartwright cup is tonight. I've missed a lot of sims the past few years but can not miss this sim or it will be my last."
"There is no escaping the rabbit hole my friend. Just ask Joe Lederer and the rest of the Frontier Division. They are all down here too. Edmonton is the new Rockville. Your fate is already sealed. Just walk away now. Go out on top and blame the inevitable on the new GM"
"You don't get it. Let me explain this in a way you will understand. I am running down a dream and I won't back down. You don't know how it feels to be just a face in the crowd. So while my guitar gently weeps I'm heading into the great wide open cause it's good to be king."
"Wow. That was pretty impressive. We haven't seen that level of Brewster-song title immersion since Wilson named about 800 players after Dave Mathews songs."
"You know Wilson?"
"Yup, he is down here too. Spoiler alert... Portland plays Edmonton in the 2047 Landis. Doesn't end well for the Lumberjacks."
"So how do I get back?"
"I do not have that answer for you. But maybe he will...."
"Who in the heck are you?""Why I am the mad hatter! And judging by my watch, your time in the BBA ends here tonight!"
"Thanks for the vote of confidence. I see you like Brooklyn about as much as the Cartwight Cup prediction poll"
"Have you not taken a look at Jackrabbit roster? Their players overalls and bullpen ERA's are much better then yours."
"Who uses overall ratings and bullpen ERA to judge talent? Those have to be the two most useless things to look at. Next your going to tell me Ramón Martínez isn't any good cause he only had 11 saves this season."
"I see what you did there. Dropping one name so you can link it in order to meet the requirements regulating a full 2 participation point reward while creating a story that has absolutely nothing to do with Brooklyn or the BBA. I'm on to your gaming of the system."
"Haters gonna hate. I'm just trying to have fun and be different. And just like the Brooklyn Robins 2042 season, everyone is going to read this and say WTF.... WT actual F is this. This does not belong here, but it's widely entertaining to watch."
"So why don't you stay?"
"Here in the rabbit hole? Heck no! I have to get back in time to sim. There are player strategies to adjust, lineups to make, pitch counts to set... it's going to take me hours to come up with a plan to beat Edmonton."
"No, I mean stay in the BBA. Anyone who comes up with this crazy shit must love it."
"Yes and no. I do love it, but the fact is I have about 300 half written articles in my "save draft" section. By the time I finish, the story is outdated. So while I've been committed to finishing strong, I can't keep up at this pace writing articles like this and coming up with crazy schemes to win games I shouldn't. Now please, please... let me get back. I need to finish my lineups.
"Good luck in your journey"
The mad hatter disappears.
"Oh good, it's the Chesire Cat. Can you get me back to BBA land?""Only a few find the way, some don't recognize it when they do, some...don't ever want to"
"What's that supposed to mean?
"Let your need guide you behavior. Suppress your instinct to lead...Pursue Rabbit!"
"Oh great. The cat is telling the Robin to chase the Jack Rabbit. That helps.
"That was rude, you are! Rabbit knows a thing or two and I myself, don't need a weather-vane to tell which way the wind blows."
A big gust of wind blows the Chesire Cat away.
"Weather-vane….which way the wind blows? hmm. That's it! Maybe that's the clue I need to do the impossible and escape this rabbit hole! I've been using a traditional pitching staff all year, and they have gotten me this far... but.. Edmonton, they are going to eat us alive. But maybe the way to get back out of this rabbit hole is to use a tight heavy circular wind to boost us higher then we ever thought was possible. It will lead us out of this rabbit hole to where only the sky is the limit. Ladies and gentleman..... tonight...…
The Cyclone Returns!
Robins VS Rabbits. Tonight. Only on the Brewster Broadcasting Network.No real bunnies were injured in the making of this team news. The GM however is apparently feeling the after affects of eating some "special mushroom tacos" while in Mexico.
