Injury Proves Speculation
(Robins international scouting focuses on nontraditional tools)
The league has been abuzz lately over a wave of International prospect signings of grand proportion. It appears that once in a lifetime players have been discovered at an alarming pace. At this time, there doesn't seem to be a pattern to the discoveries. It's not that teams are spending more money, or sprinkling magic fairy dust(PP) around to gain an edge. It's purely random. Which is totally fair. That is unless you are one of the teams that have come up empty thus far.
"Everyone else is signing uber 5 star prospects, while we're over here signing future fast food workers".
That was the quote from Brooklyn Robins GM Alan Ehlers to beat writers during a random post game presser earlier this season. It was an innocent quote. Ehlers is known to be a gamesman and has fed the press plenty of "headline quotes" on numerous occasions. He considers himself to have a great sense of humor, even if nobody gets it. Everyone took this as just another poor attempt to be funny. That is until October 18th.
Let me get this straight, he....cut his finger.... using a knife... making lunch...at his "home". This immediately sounded fishy to me. For starters, Chepchumba was not at home. His home is in South Africa. He is currently pitching at the Robins International Complex in Apalachicola Florida. Have you ever seen the International complex housing? It's a wing of the local Knights Inn hotel. There is no kitchen there. You're lucky if you get a microwave and a mini fridge. International Complex players are known to eat a lot fast food and ramen noodles. The odds that he cut his finger preparing lunch for himself is about as likely as the Robins finishing in the green in 2036.Chepchumba Cuts Self Badly with Kitchen Knife
Thursday, October 18th, 2035
Robins starting pitcher Ndaula Chepchumba received medical attention yesterday after accidentally cutting himself with a kitchen knife at his home. Chepchumba was apparently preparing lunch when the knife he was using slipped and cut a large gash in his left ring finger. The cut required 7 stitches and will reportedly keep Chepchumba out of action for 2 weeks.
Being the best beat writer in the business, I knew what had to be done. I packed my bags and headed to Apalachicola Florida for a road trip. My goal was to eat at every fast food restaurant in town until I got to the bottom of this. Have you ever seen the movie Supersize Me? That is pretty much me right now. All fat and bloated. First I went to the Waffle House, then McDonalds, then Bob Evans. I even stopped at the Dixie Cream Café in Windermere where Robins GM Alan Ehlers is rumored to be the head chef in an alternate universe, serving up breakfast to rich and famous athletes such as Vice Carter, Jameis Winston, Johnny Damon, Frank Viola, Orel Hershiser, Rickie and Jamile Weeks and many more. My final stop was a place I should have thought of sooner. A real and actual restaurant with a connection to the Robins....Red Robin.
Upon walking in I was greeted by a host that looked a like Francois Bertrand. He asked if I wanted a table or a booth. I told him I'd sit at the bar. He apologized and said this was an alcohol free establishment as none of the workers are old enough to serve alcohol. I said fine, booth it is. The server came over and introduced himself as Alejandro Fajardo and told me the specials. I opted for the Upper Decker Tavern Burger. It was two small patties stacked on a brioche bun with standard toppings. As I was waiting for my meal, I looked around. Low and behold, every single Robins International prospect was working here.
After much prodding, noodling, and most of all threatening not to tip, I found out the deal. Turns out Brooklyn had a hard time getting stadium sponsorship. Red Robin didn't want any part of the partnership. So to seal the deal, Brooklyn was forced to turn their scouting over to Red Robin Inc. So rather then trying to find good baseball players, The Robins International Scouting has been used solely to find cheap labor to staff the Red Robin in Apalachicola Florida. Unreal.
