Born and raised in Cedar Lake, Indiana, the moustachioed Mould was never considered a future superstar. Taken at the end of the first round, he was expected to become pretty much exactly what he did become -- before this season, that is -- an everyday player who could help out his team but probably wouldn't be taking home any silverware, probably wouldn't be an All-Star, and probably wouldn't send inspire the hometown faithful to go into a frenzy. In his ten year career to date, Elmer topped 3.0 WAR (a figure he amassed through less than 100 games this year) only once, half a decade ago. He was no slouch at the plate, don't get me wrong, but for an offence-first position like first base you need to do something really significant with your bat to get noticed nationally, and Mould was never that significant of a guy.After that 3.0 WAR season in 2020 he started to decline, as players in their late twenties tend to do. His OPS dropped to .832, and then .807, and then .722. None of these numbers are embarrassing, of course, but they were generally considered a sign of the beginning of the end of Elmer Mould's career. Boy, were we wrong.
Luckily for Mould, his career peak coincided with the end of his arby years, and he was able to secure a four year, $35,000,000 deal with the Crawdads organization that would secure his financial future even as his production began to sputter. After a dismal 2025 season, however, New Orleans released Mould, preferring to pay the man his $9,000,000 to NOT play baseball for their organization. While a less competitive man might have looked at his paycheque -- and his .237/.260/.359 slashline -- and opted to retire or try his hand at the EBA, Mould instead negotiated a two-year, $4,000,000 pact with the rebuilding Moonshiners. Greenville needed warm bodies and Mould needed a chance: a marriage of convenience if ever there was one. Expectations, I'd imagine, were pretty low on both sides of the equation.
And then, well, you know what happened. Through the first four months of the season, Mould has 141 hits, 79 RBIs, 28 doubles and 26 homers. His OPS has him second in the Johnson League, and he's tied for first in Total Bases. He led his team to an unexpected stint at the top of their division, and even as the club offloads veterans for prospects they're hanging in the race for the JLA pennant, fueled by the steely determination and inexplicable performance of Elmer Fucking Mould. His season his a miracle, but sometimes miracles raise more eyebrows than hallelujahs.
"It's undeniably a feel-good story, and everyone knows the Greenville fans deserve one of those," said one JL executive speaking under the condition of anonymity. "But come on, at 33? Up to now, his CAREER Wins Against Replacement was like 6. He's halfway there this season alone. You expect me to believe that he's doing that all by himself?"
Nobody's accusing Mould outright of boosting his performance with a little help from a pill bottle, but it's certainly a rumour making the rounds in baseball. There's no evidence of course, just speculation, but I'd wager Mould can expect a random drug test sooner than later.
Still, what Mould has accomplished is worthy of praise -- he's brought some excitement to a battered franchise and he's completely outperformed even the loftiest expectations for him. Congratulations, and keep it up, Elmer. They really broke the mould when they made you.
