Who Wins The Battle For God?

[Audriculous]

While all eyes will be on the diamond tonight when Charm City and Sacramento open the Monty Brewster Memorial Series, MLB Tonight analyst Pepper Piperson believe this is a battle that won’t be decided by Alex Ramirez, Tokimasa Yano, or anyone else donning a Popes or Jimmies uniform.

“The real question is: who wins the battle for God’s favor?” Piperson observed during the network’s series preview.

Piperson pointed out that both squads were quick to thank God for their success thus far. And more importantly, players on both sides said that they trusted that God was going to lead them to the championship, as well.

“We just put our faith in God and took things one game at a time,” Jimmies shortstop Bumper McNeil said in a post-game interview following Charm City’s series-clinching win. “We have faith that He has four more wins for us.”

If that sounds familiar, it should. Rewind 24 hours to Sacramento’s series-clinching win, when Sergio Salazar had a similar tithing to offer the holy spirit.

“Thank you, first of all, to Jesus Christ, for helping us with this incredible achievement,” Salazar said while tracing the shape of a cross over his chest and pointing to the heavens. “This team never stopped believing in each other and in God, and that’s what’s going to fuel us to a championship, as well.”

Asked if the team preferred to match up with Charm City or Rocky Mountain, Salazar was unequivocal in his response. “It don’t matter to us,” Salazar shook his head. “We trust that God will place us in the position to succeed no matter who we play.”

What happens when both teams tab themselves as God’s favorite? Presented with the paradox, Charm City manager DaveB raised an interesting point.

“I don’t see how anyone who calls themselves the Mad Popes can claim God on their side,” he opined. “They’d might as well call themselves the Blasphemers.”

Informed of DaveB’s comments, Mad Popes manager shoeless was quick to respond with a dig of his own.

“Wasn’t Christopher Hitchens a big Jimmies fan?” he asked suggestively. “I’m just sayin…”

Asked for comment, a spokesperson for the Almighty was non-committal. “God loves all His children equally. Officials throughout Heaven, including God, are looking forward to a spirited and entertaining series.”

[Dington]

MLB Tonight? Is that the fictional league I've heard about?

Also, I'm so happy to hear that Bumper McNeill has found God. Boy, did he need Him.

[neugey]

All that matters is the baseball gods. And there's at least a dozen of 'em!

[shoeless.db]

Who the hell is this Jesus Christ character and this God you speak of? Sounds made up.

We believe in Carlos Camacho and no other.

I'll need to check the validity of that Salazar quote. If true, Salazar will miss game one of the series due to his appointment at the lab under centerfield at the Basilica.