The Brewster

Seattle Shortstop Frank Lee Wins
2054 "Most Boring Player in the Brewster" Award

"Nothing remarkable" about infielder with .220 average and 0.0 WAR

Las Vegas, MBBA League Headquarters - June 24, 2054: Brewster Baseball Commissioner Matt Rectenwald today ended months of eager anticipation by announcing that Seattle shortstop Frank Lee has won the 2054 "Most Boring Player in the Brewster" Award.

The 23-year old Lee was chosen by a panel of team owners who deliberated for several days among all players in the Brewster. Criteria included that the player has to be at or below league average in most statistical categories, and has managed to notch precisely a 0.0 WAR (wins above replacement) with at least 50 starts. Secondary criteria include mid-round draft position, near-or-at league minimum salary, mediocre merchandise sales, a forgettable name, and a drab personality.

"We considered a good number of contenders for this honor," said the chair of the selection committee, Phoenix Talons owner Denny D. Dennison. "But Frank really stood out by not standing out. We could not find a single interesting thing in his Brewster tenure. Honestly, I kept forgetting everything about him and had to keep looking back at his folder. He is the epitome of boring, and on behalf of the committee, we are thrilled to chose Fred for the 2054 Most Boring Award. I mean Frank."

Few will argue with the choice. Lee, with 63 games started, is currently batting .220, slugging .322 and an OPS+ of 72. He bats eighth or ninth in the lineup, and no fan has been heard to chant his name during his at-bats. In the field he has a -4.4 zone rating at shortstop this season with a .957 efficiency rating. "Nothing there to get him benched," wrote the selection committee in its evaluation, "but nothing remarkable in the slightest."

Frank Lee, a Bronx, New York native, was drafted in the fifth round, 183 overall, by Sacramento in the 2048 draft, but was so uninteresting that the Mad Popes left him unprotected in the 2052 Rule 5 draft, leading to his selection by Seattle. "Being a Rule 5 selection is also a great harbinger of 'Most Boring' honors," said the committee, "because it means the player's original organization is ambivalent about retaining him. Frank perfectly fit that mold." Seattle Storm records indicate that only four fans have purchased Frank Lee jerseys since his arrival.

Seattle teammates, when told of the award, were elated. "He's the perfect choice. I frequently forget Frank is in the lockerroom," said centerfield Alexander Julyan. "I don't think I've ever heard him crack a joke, though one time he did win a hand of poker. I guess that's about all I remember."

Frank Lee, when learning of the honor, issued the following unremarkable statement: "I want to thank the league and in particular the selection committee for this award. It means a lot to me. Thank you."

Lee will receive the award during All-Star Game festivities in July. Tickets to the ceremony are free, though league officials are doubtful there'll be much turnout beyond Lee's family members.

He is frankly the most boring.

neugey wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 25, 2023 10:57 am

He is frankly the most boring.

How did I miss that?

tylertoo wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 25, 2023 11:30 am

neugey wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 25, 2023 10:57 am

He is frankly the most boring.

How did I miss that?

I was wondering that too. Thought maybe you were setting it up for me or another GM!

neugey wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 25, 2023 10:57 am

He is frankly the most boring.

Ahhh i see what you did there…

Never heard of him.

Frank Lee? My dear, I don't give a damn.

Desperately trying to figure out how to add this trophy to his OOTP page

My only quibble with this choice is that Lee is only 23 years old. The most boring player should be a player who is ~28-30 IMO.

BaseClogger wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 30, 2023 11:33 am

The most boring player should be a player who is ~28-30 IMO.

Agree, that actually was my original goal -- I wanted someone in that age range, preferably a fifth OF, who has had an unremarkable career. But when I filtered for zero WAR and 50 games started, and a boring name, no one else fit that bill. Some had below zero WAR, but I wanted precisely zero.

Basic bitch