Seattle Shortstop Frank Lee Wins
2054 "Most Boring Player in the Brewster" Award
"Nothing remarkable" about infielder with .220 average and 0.0 WAR
Las Vegas, MBBA League Headquarters - June 24, 2054: Brewster Baseball Commissioner Matt Rectenwald today ended months of eager anticipation by announcing that Seattle shortstop Frank Lee has won the 2054 "Most Boring Player in the Brewster" Award.
The 23-year old Lee was chosen by a panel of team owners who deliberated for several days among all players in the Brewster. Criteria included that the player has to be at or below league average in most statistical categories, and has managed to notch precisely a 0.0 WAR (wins above replacement) with at least 50 starts. Secondary criteria include mid-round draft position, near-or-at league minimum salary, mediocre merchandise sales, a forgettable name, and a drab personality.
Few will argue with the choice. Lee, with 63 games started, is currently batting .220, slugging .322 and an OPS+ of 72. He bats eighth or ninth in the lineup, and no fan has been heard to chant his name during his at-bats. In the field he has a -4.4 zone rating at shortstop this season with a .957 efficiency rating. "Nothing there to get him benched," wrote the selection committee in its evaluation, "but nothing remarkable in the slightest."
Frank Lee, a Bronx, New York native, was drafted in the fifth round, 183 overall, by Sacramento in the 2048 draft, but was so uninteresting that the Mad Popes left him unprotected in the 2052 Rule 5 draft, leading to his selection by Seattle. "Being a Rule 5 selection is also a great harbinger of 'Most Boring' honors," said the committee, "because it means the player's original organization is ambivalent about retaining him. Frank perfectly fit that mold." Seattle Storm records indicate that only four fans have purchased Frank Lee jerseys since his arrival.
Seattle teammates, when told of the award, were elated. "He's the perfect choice. I frequently forget Frank is in the lockerroom," said centerfield Alexander Julyan. "I don't think I've ever heard him crack a joke, though one time he did win a hand of poker. I guess that's about all I remember."
Frank Lee, when learning of the honor, issued the following unremarkable statement: "I want to thank the league and in particular the selection committee for this award. It means a lot to me. Thank you."
Lee will receive the award during All-Star Game festivities in July. Tickets to the ceremony are free, though league officials are doubtful there'll be much turnout beyond Lee's family members.