“Does it still count as yoga,” GM Graham Luna puffed from the treadmill, “if you’re aggressively chewing?”
Mal, upside-down, rolled her eyes back at Graham.
The trio had commandeered the gym for what they called “Active Strategic Synergy,” a phrase Rosario insisted would look good in the weekly report to ownership. In reality, it was the only room in the building with working air conditioning and enough space to brainstorm the team's campaign to dominate the AfSAmOc Division of the GBC All-Star ballot.
“All right,” Rosario said, finally disentangling himself from the bands like a freed octopus. “We’ve got ballot boxes at the gates and online voting is open. It's early, but we need to do what we can for the fellas who've put up good numbers so far.”
“This we can do,” Graham replied as the treadmill slowed to a stop. He wiped his face with the bottom of his dry-fit Johannesburg Gold t-shirt and made his way over to Rosario and Mal, who had already gathered around Rosario’s laptop.
Up on the screen were an array of statistics, sorted by position. “All right,” Rosario said, tapping through stats. “Simao Hayagawa is leading catchers in everything. I mean, it’s not close. It’s—”
“Embarrassing for the rest of the league,” Mal finished. “This man is Larry Stinson if Larry caught and had charming cheekbones.”
“We need a campaign,” Graham asserted. “Something bold. Something memorable. Something—”
“Hayagawa for Supreme Catcher of the Galaxy,” Mal offered. “Posters of him in a cape made with QR codes shaped like a chest protector.”
Rosario blinked. “Could we dress up one of the concession vendors as a giant baseball and have them chase kids around until they vote?”
“We could do that,” Graham said cautiously, “but should we?”
Mal pulled out her phone and smirked. “Too late. I already posted a call for volunteers. Hashtag: #HayagawdMode.”
Rosario looked impressed and mildly afraid.
“Next,” he said, “Prabhu Vogelsang. Can’t field this year, but nobody cares about fielding when it's time for All-Star voting. He’s leading every major offensive category for second basemen. I propose: Vogelswag.”
“Oh my god,” Mal whispered reverently.
“Will people understand it’s a pun on ‘swagger’ or will they think we misspelled his name?” Graham asked.
“Yes,” Mal replied.
They moved on.
“Fareed bin Sa'eed,” Rosario said, now manipulating the laptop touchpad like a DJ at an analytics rave. “Best defensive center fielder in the GBC. Leading in assists. Power numbers are there, too.”
“He's a human highlight reel so we'll make a highlight reel,” Graham said, increasing his pace again. “We splice his outfield assists with historical wartime footage, or nature documentaries of birds of prey swooping in.”
“Or both,” Mal said. “Let’s narrate it like a BBC nature doc. ‘Here, we see bin Sa’eed stalking his prey, a line drive into the gap. The ball does not survive.’”
“Put it in 4K, sync it to tribal drums,” Rosario nodded. “Oscar bait.”
“And the outfield duo,” Graham continued, now fully committed to the walk-and-talk rhythm. “Belinda and MacDonald? There is a chance they end up splitting votes. How do we fix that?”
“Rebrand them as a pair,” Mal said. “‘Jimmie Jack & Mac.’ ‘The Double Barrel Bros.’ Or ‘Bash n’ Bop.’ Or…ooh! ‘2Good 2Field.’”
“We make campaign buttons where their heads are merged like a Venn diagram,” Rosario added. “One body, two hot bats.”
“I worry this borders on fan fiction,” Graham said.
“Everything does, eventually,” Mal said.
Just then, a staffer popped their head into the gym and dropped a note: “Turnstile ballots delayed. The boxes were delivered to the Port Elizabeth Gold Rush Casino by mistake.”
“Again?” Graham sighed. “That’s the third shipment this month.”
“I’ll go,” Rosario said with grim determination. “They know me there now.”
As he shuffled off, Mal turned to Graham. “You think we’re gonna get anyone in?,” she asked, softly.
He considered it. “Weirder things have happened. Like us winning on Opening Day.”
“Or you being on a treadmill.”
“Touché.”
She fist-bumped him on the arm and resumed her yoga.
Behind them, the laptop beeped. Rosario had updated the online shared All-Star marketing doc with a new campaign name: “Operation: Vote or Cry”
Graham stared at the title for a long beat. “Bold,” he said.
“It’s honest,” Mal replied.
The mechanical whirl of the treadmill gears returned. The yoga mat squeaked. And in a gym built more for injury rehabilitation than insights, the Gold’s strangest, sweatiest campaign yet had officially begun.
/ / / / / / /
The 2063 Johannesburg Gold still-to-early All-Star hopefuls:
As of May 21, catcher Simao Hayagawa leads all AfSAmOc catchers in WAR, AVG (.348 — 100 points clear of 2nd best), HR (13 — next best: 6), RBI, OBP, SLG (.681!), OPS and OPS+ (naturally), Hits, Runs, Total Bases, ISO, WPA, wOBA, even tied for lead in Triples (because, why not?)
Keystone bagger Prabhu Vogelsang leads all AfSAmOc 2B in BA, OBP, SLG, OPS.
Centerfielder Fareed bin Sa’eed is the best defensive center fielder in the GBC, given tops in Zone Rating and Range, plus his 12 assists lead all GBC outfielders. To boot, his 8 HR leads all CF in the division.
The rotating tandem in LF and RF of James Belinda and Adam MacDonald are all over the positional offensive leaderboards. Among "right fielders" (where both players qualify) in the AfSAmOc Division:
- Batting Average: MacDonald #1 (.288), Belinda #2 (.284)
- OBP: MacDonald #1 (.382), Belinda #3 (.333)
- SLG: Belinda #1 (.642), MacDonald #2 (.515)
- OPS: Belinda #1 (.975), MacDonald #2 (.898)
- WAR: MacDonald #1 (1.4), Belinda #2 (1.2)
