Bad News Abounds
By Khepri Quraishi, Egypt Today Sports
October 23, 2047
GOOD NEWS
- Cairo met their stretch goal of 70 wins and did not finish in the cellar.
- As documented elsewhere some players had excellent seasons.
- Cairo met its team win goal and finished out of the cellar, but the owner, Pakistani Taki Lodhi, is neither happy nor proud.
- The owner cut next year’s budget from $55 million to $51 million. That’ll help, right? Thanks for nothing.
- Hapless Dashiell Fairebon spent most of the season at AAA. He must like it there because he executed his player option. Maybe he’ll enjoy next year in the Rookie League.
- In September the league office noted that Cairo fan loyalty dropped from good to above average. That will negatively affect season ticket sales, attendance, and merchandising revenue next season
- The league also announced fan interest dropped from opening day’s 53 to 49 today. That negatively affected attendance and merchandising revenue this year, and the negativity will carry forward into next year.
- As expected catcher Diesel Dave will soon be a free agent. When he signs somewhere else, the already pathetic fan rating will take another significant hit. Cairo will have to sign an extremely popular player or two to help offset this disturbing trend. We’ll soon begin to see if that’s possible. We have our doubts.
- The owner wants attendance to go UP by 4,000 per game next year. With the budget, fan loyalty, and fan interest down, we encourage him to purchase 4,000 tickets per game himself.
- The owner wants us to find a top 10 prospect. #1 and #2 draft picks the past two seasons couldn’t help with that. The upcoming #3 pick won’t either.
- The owner wants Cairo to build a top-2 farm system. Talk about pipe dreams! That’s not going to happen without divine intervention. In sha'Allah.
That’s a wrap.