OPENING DAY!
By Khepri Quraishi, Egypt Today Sports
April 1, 2047
Opening Day has arrived. Ex-GM Woody Donahue left town headed for Boise in the BBA as the free agent signing period was drawing to a close. He made some sound structural changes to the roster and boldly predicted that the Pharaohs had a chance at playing .500 ball this season. That seems wildly optimistic. New GM Joe Geoghegan agrees: “I’d like to think we could reach .500, but our goal will be to win 70 games. That would be a 17-game improvement, and, in my opinion, even that goal is going to be a stretch. That said, I have zero experience in Middle East baseball, so we’ll see what happens.
Here’s how the opening day roster shakes out -- Basically it will be weak infield offense offset by good outfield offense. Catching depends on Diesel’s stats. DH looks strong.
1B: Lawrence Blanchard will start. In a surprise, Anastasio Díaz wikll be the backup here and at third base.
2B: Tyler Shacklady gets the nod despite a lackluster Spring Training.
SS: Quintin Trewartha will start, but Dashiell Fairebon will take over if Trewartha’s bat stays quiet.
3B: Francisco Hernandez will hold down the hot corner.
LF: Eliseu Satino will lead off and play left. Freddy Ayala will take over in the late innings.
CF: Michel Noël starts here. He was one of the few Pharaohs who hit well during the spring.
RF: Guillermo Ramírez also did well during the Spring.
C: Diesel Dave had four homers this spring but hit .148. Chris Glass backs up and showed surprising life at the plate in March.
DH: Seinosuke Muto is the brightest star in the offense.
Rotation: There are mostly question marks
- Johan Trojka – clearly number one
- José Flores – only one start this spring
- Miguel Ramos – unimpressive spring
- Miguel Ortíz – no starts during spring
- Jorge Sandoval – unimpressive spring
Fernando Carrasco will be on the Injured List for most of the year. Newcomer free agent Jorge Fuentes won’t be ready for a month or so.
- Steven Bobovnik – starter during spring will be the closer
- Robert Hobbs – first setup man
- Shea Valance – wants to start, faired poorly in that role in spring
- Jason Donaldson – another wannabe starter who was raked in that role in the spring
- Manuel Bruno – meh
- José Olivas – meh
- Jorge Olvera – meh