Generally Speaking (44.5): The Berserker Goes Berserk
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Generally Speaking (44.5): The Berserker Goes Berserk
Tripoli, September 1, 2044 -- When the Beserker goes beserk, you'd think a clubhouse would wake up? Not so in Mumbai -- much to the pleasure of Generals fans. But first -- some background.
Back on July 1, the Mumbai club was in control of the Bancroft Division at 49-34, a full 15 games above .500. Cut to September 1, and the standings were quite different:
Yes, you read that right: in July and August the Mumbai club went 21-36 and ended up tied with Generals, each with a .500 record. Was this team done?
"Truly great teams rise to the occassion when they face adversity," a wise man once said. With that in mind, Metro Stars clubhouse leader Chang-hyeok 'Berserker' Chang strode into the locker room on September 3 to deliver a whale of a pep talk to his downtrodden teammates.
According to our sources, the Berserker went berserk in his call to arms, shocking many observers with the outburst. "He blew a gasket," said one observer. "At one point he read a list of cliched quotes about teamwork off his cellphone," said another observer. "Then he started weeping."
Did the Metro Stars rally around their star? Did they lock arms and sing Kumbayah? Did they respond with vim and vigor and rebound to a Hollywood ending?
Not quite.
Ouch. And the proof that the berserk speech backfired is in the pudding: on the day of the Berserker's big speech, Mumbai was 70-71. Five days later:
All the while this was going on, the Generals were plodding along, with no club house speeches nor an iota of drama. During this time they inched up from a lousy five games under on July 1 to a perfectly mediocre .500 on September 8.
And so, as the '44 season enters its final month, this is the sole remaining race in UMEBA. And if the Metro Stars continue to struggle and the Generals -- a potluck of fourth outfielders and other castoffs from the Brewster -- continue their unrelentingly boring mediocrity, a wild card spot could actually be in Libya's future.
And then it'll be the General fans who are going berserk.
Mike Dunn
Chicago Black Sox (1995-1996) (2049-2054)
Landis Champion: '95, '96
Edmonton Jackrabbits (2047-2048)
Tripoli Piranhas (2044-2046)
Chicago Black Sox (1995-1996) (2049-2054)
Landis Champion: '95, '96
Edmonton Jackrabbits (2047-2048)
Tripoli Piranhas (2044-2046)
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