by Faadil el-Badie, Tripoli Times National Baseball Correspondent
Tripoli, May 12, 2044 - Libyan Supreme Commander General Razeen Akbad el-Assad today announced that all Libyan children will receive mandatory baseball training starting at age three.
"We intend to win the hearts and minds of the Western World," said Gen. el-Assad in a televised address to the nation. "It is clear from the success of the Libyan Generals, our new team in the Unified Middle Eastern Baseball Association, that this so-called American pastime can be exceedingly popular in our country. By training a new general of national ballplayers, we will be able to infiltrate the rest of baseball, particularly the Brewster Baseball Association, where supposedly the best players compete. If we can't defeat them militarily, we will defeat them on the field, and at the turnstiles."
The General accompanied his announcement by issuing a new Official Decree banning the sport of football throughout Libya. Sources indicate that several rebel organizations intend to defy the order and continue playing their still-favorite sport. "This could be a tipping point," said one guerilla leader, Lt. Ghaamid al-Mahdavi. "Baseball puts me to sleep, frankly. It is far more exciting to watch men running up and down a field kicking a ball and hoping it goes in a net. General el-Assad has overstepped his boundaries. He best watch his head; he might wake up without it one day."
Libyan Generals owner Tariq bin Habib (l) and Supreme Commander Gen. el-Assad (r) introduce Dunn as new GM
Now Dunn faces the daunting task of running the Libyan baseball club (17-21) amid growing civil strife. "I don't know much about this league," he admitted in an exclusive interview with the Times. "But last I checked the balls are still round here, the bats are still wood, and that's pretty much all that matters." (UMEBA uses metal bats). Dunn refused to comment on reports that he took the job after filing for bankruptcy in the United States following a series of failed investments, and that he was unable to get any job in any other organized baseball league, even as a Little League coach. "I'm done," Dunn said, angrily cutting off the interview. "I have to go learn this roster."