We Got Wood 45.22 - What A Sorry-Ass Excuse...

[7teen]

...Of a ballplayer. Don't mind the reason he got hurt for a second. But it is safe to say, in General Manager Chris Wilson's eye, Albert Gaona is just a sorry excuse of a ballplayer.

Sure, harsh words for sure. There is some back story here with Wilson and Gaona. Remember that time Wilson fell in love with Steve Dempsey in Madison so he traded away Luis Maldonado for a pitcher nicknamed "No Pants"? Well, Gaona was the forgotten about addition in that trade. How did that all work out? Maldonado won a lot of awards, a Landis title, named to several all-star teams. "No Pants" should have worn pants because he shit himself repeatedly after the trade and Gaona was traded for a pair of bums. (At least Madison got two bums for the price of one)

Gaona and Wilson tried to make amends when Gaona helped the Portland franchise win not one, but two Minor League titles in the same season as Wilson jettisoned the veteran between two farm levels to win a pair of titles in 2042. Gaona used his new found committment to play and win championships into two more seasons in the BBA where he performed to a positive WAR.

So, Wilson opted to give Gaona a shot in Portland. I mean, why not. The team is going nowhere in 2045 so why not let the veteran platoon some at 1B, right? WRONG! Gaona would have been more valuable out in rookie league Bend in 2045 opposed to Portland.

In 19 games, Gaona logged 55 plate appearances. He tallied just 4 hits. Do the math (you can't because those aren't the right ones to calculate it) and Gaona has a .087 batting average. Yes, that's correct. BELOW .100!

Clearly embarrassed by his performance, or lack thereof, Albert Gaona did the only thing he could do to not have to play in Portland anymore...

"He did what!?" Wilson cried when hearing the news from the doctor, "He tore his meniscus while doing, what?" Wilson asked again. "You're making this up! No fucking way."

Yes way! It appears Albert Gaona's 2045 stat line will sit at .087/.236/.174 because his season is over. Gaona has torn his meniscus while tying his shoe!

[shoeless.db]

Do the math (you can't because those aren't the right ones to calculate it)

I breathed really heavy out of my nose after reading this.