We Got Wood - 43.36 - House of Fiscus; Ask and Ye Shall Receive

[7teen]

The following story is being told in the eyes of Kate Fiscus, Kookie connoisseur and team spokeswoman for the Portland Lumberjacks. And secret informant....

There I was, just duly my duties. Trying to keep my close clean after the Helga Hellscape and pig shit fiasco. Crazy storylines. Dan showed up and just vanished again without warning. It appeared I was doomed to be black balled from the league again. But luckily Wilson decided I should help be a minor league spokesperson. Travel around with the farm and help report back to the front office my findings. The job sucks. No flights. Team cars from here to there and every bum fucked place in Egypt this organization put it's farm teams. Bend, Oregon? Where the fuck! Quincy, Washington? There's not even a fast food restaurant within 20 miles of that town. Fuck's sake. But I keep telling myself, just do my job. One day I'll be the assistant GM. Once that dumb ass Ted Dunn is out of there. Or maybe better yet, Wilson croaks of old age and I take his spot. Just bide my time I say. At least I got back in the good graces of everyone in Portland with that whole "Kate's Kookie" deal. The franchise got some glory, made it to the championship, and I showered them with gratuitous videos and images of women. Win-win if you ask me.

But that hasn't kept me from this minor league gig. Here I am, sitting here in Alpine Valley. Where the fuck is Alpine Valley. I check my map again to assure myself it's actually in Wisconsin. Good god, back in Wisconsin. I thought I was over this cheese infested state. Nope! Wilson must love him some cheese. I was sent to report on this Gusby Pinkerton kid. Wilson thinks he could be the next missing piece to the rotation. He looks ok I guess. I've learned why they call him "The Cannibal" while I'm here. The kid can sure eat my pu.... *phone rings*

"Hey Kate, how's he looking"

It's Wilson on the other line. "He's looking ok. Manager pulled him quick though. Not sure why" I respond.

"He was still on a spring training pitch count" Wilson responds back. "We'll bump him back up to a normal number for his next start. But hey, that's not why I'm calling."

"What do you need?" I ask back. "Need a cheese hat or something while I'm out here?"

"Cut the shit Kate. I know you're not happy out there, but you're keeping your nose clean and that's earning you some credit with me again. But anyway, I'm going to need you back out in Quincy."

"Quincy? Good god no Chris. It takes over a full day to drive back out that way. Can you at least forward me a plane ticket?"

"Nope, no can do Kate. Do me this favor and we'll see about you getting back up here to Portland for a while. And not just to promote your Cookies!"

Wilson laughs a laugh that makes me sick. He knows he has me over a barrel but there isn't much I can do if I want to get back up there for good. "Good one, Chris" I say sarcastically. "Why the need for me in Quincy?"

"Ah, Ghi-cheng Kum isn't too happy about not being up here in Portland. He's mad down there. We can't have that kind of unrest in our minor leagues. We are the reigning Triple-A champs after all. We have an integrity to hold. I'll see you back out this way in a few days."

Since it was a day game and the Pinkerton kid was out early, I hopped in my car and headed out. Shit, 1,800 miles to Quincy.

I'd been driving for what felt like forever when I decide I just can't go anymore. I stop off an exit, refuel my car, and get a room at this little motel. I wake up the next morning and opt for breakfast before checking out and completing my drive. I walk over to this little mom and pop place called "The Potato House". I read over the menu. What the fuck are potato pancakes? Potato waffles? And why does everything come with a side of hash browns. I order an omelet, no hash browns, and a side of coffee.

I finish up and head out. As I'm walking out my phone rings, but before I can answer it I bump into this gentleman. The guy looks familiar but I can't place him for the life of me. I ask him what he does and he says he's in the potato business. He also dabbles in some other things but mostly potatoes. It suddenly hits me why I recognize this guy. Somehow he doesn't recognize me. I thought he would, but he doesn't. He's carrying a brief case. I'm curious so we strike up a conversation. And we all know I'm good at conversation. We talk for a few minutes and I begin to slowly walk away.

"Where you headed miss?" the gentleman asks.

"Oh, I need to go get my stuff and head out. Still have a bit of a drive."

"Your stuff? Where?"

"Oh, over at the Motel 6 there across the road. I stayed their last night. Something about me and Motel 6s. I just can't resist staying at one. You ever seen the inside of one?"

"I can't say that I have."

"Well, no time like the present."

Hooked!

A man can't resist me and a Motel 6. Of course clearly this man hadn't been in a motel 6 or with too many people. A minute later we were done. He excused him self to the bathroom and there was my chance. I grabbed the brief case, opened it, and there it was. I knew I was right. I stuck the document in my own bag, closed his case up, and waited for the man to come out. I gave him one more kiss on the cheek, thanked him for his time, and was on my way.

I grabbed my phone and called up Chris.

"Change of plans, Wilson. I'm on my way to Portland."

"Nope, sorry Kate. Need you in Quincy ASAP."

"I've got something that says otherwise. Just ran into a man and I got a document you might want to look at. Coming to Portland."

"Kate? What is it? Who did you meet."

"A man named Joe. I have a copy of 'The Great Wheel'"

[jleddy]

I was sent to report on this Gusby Pinkerton kid. Wilson thinks he could be the next missing piece to the rotation. He looks ok I guess. I've learned why they call him "The Cannibal" while I'm here. The kid can sure eat my pu.... *phone rings*

First cookies, now pudding? I love a woman who knows her way around the pastry kitchen.

[7teen]

I was sent to report on this Gusby Pinkerton kid. Wilson thinks he could be the next missing piece to the rotation. He looks ok I guess. I've learned why they call him "The Cannibal" while I'm here. The kid can sure eat my pu.... *phone rings*

First cookies, now pudding? I love a woman who knows her way around the pastry kitchen.

The key is extra bananas