"It's WAR!" yelled Chris Wilson today in a press conference held at The Trail in Multnomah, the Lumberjacks stadium. "We will put a stop to this and make sure it never happens again!"
Chaos occurred today in Portland after sources around the ball park called several media outlets to inform them that federal investigators had appeared at the team stadium late this afternoon. Questions from spectators quickly spread as many wondered what exactly was going on with the team. Several media personnel appeared moments before the team General Manager announced a press conference would begin shortly. Here is the key excerpt from that press conference.
Media member 1: Several federal investigators have appeared at the stadium throughout the day. Can you enlighten us one what is going on?
Wilson: It's pure thievery and stuff like this can't be allowed to happen in the league. I considered calling league front offices, but at this point, I'm not sure who to trust anymore!
Media Member 2: What was stolen?
Wilson: Our ideas. Someone has infiltrated the building and stolen our ideas. And I have a very good idea as to who he was as well. Police are here now verifying my suspicions.
Media Member 1: Ideas? How can someone steal ideas?
Wilson: Easily. When you write your ideas down on paper, they're not hard to steal. Try to keep up, honey. See, we unveiled "The Master Plan TM" several weeks ago. And after our unveiling, others around the league jumped on board with similar ideas. Some called it "intellectual property". The bottom line is, that intellectual property was ours and it was stolen.
Media Member 2: Well how do you know it was stolen?
Wilson: Keep up here people! Read The article. They're bragging about it. Look at the ideas.... Pitching. Defense. High OBP. High Power. Those are our ideas! Clearly they were stolen. No way someone came up with those ideas.
Media Member 1: So those are the concepts behind "The Master Plan TM"?
Wilson: Yeah. Along with other ideas that I'm sure will surface from outside this office soon enough by some other team. Once "The Master Plan TM" is out, it'll be worthless to us.
Media Member 2: Can you tell us who you think spoiled this so called plan of yours?
Wilson: "So-called plan"? Are you mocking me? Its The Master Plan TM!
Media Member 2: Sorry. Can you tell us who spoiled your Master Plan TM
Wilson: Well, the investigators still have to do their work and all that. So I can't comment too much on it right now. But clearly, someone had inside information on the construction of this stadium and knew the inner workings of the building. That's the only way someone could have gotten into my office and stolen my ideas.
Media Member 1: So, what you're saying is, someone had a copy of the blueprints to the facility.
Wilson: That's exactly what I think happened. Someone had a copy of the blueprint. Or that’s a code word for something.
We Got Wood - 40.28 - Federal Investigation Underway
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We Got Wood - 40.28 - Federal Investigation Underway
Chris Wilson
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LB Surfers 95-96
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Re: We Got Wood - 40.28 - Federal Investigation Underway
Vinnie may have to weigh in on this travesty. Good pitching, hitting and fielding are clearly ideas unique to the Black Sox. Not to mention that our trademark attorneys are reviewing your use of the word “Blueprint™". And a word to the wise - be very careful where you park the team bus at Black Sox Park - South Side Towing can spot violations a mile off ...
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Re: We Got Wood - 40.28 - Federal Investigation Underway
It is sickening to see the depths other GMs will lower themselves to in order to compete with the true baseballical geniuses of this league.
FYI, this was gold:
Wilson: Yeah. Along with other ideas that I'm sure will surface from outside this office soon enough by some other team. Once "The Master Plan TM" is out, it'll be worthless to us.
FYI, this was gold:
Wilson: Yeah. Along with other ideas that I'm sure will surface from outside this office soon enough by some other team. Once "The Master Plan TM" is out, it'll be worthless to us.
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-- Vic Caleca Team News Award Winner 2052
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Life is a bit more beautiful when time is measured by the half inning rather than the half hour.
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