We Got Wood - 40.52 - Too Sophisticated a Plan

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We Got Wood - 40.52 - Too Sophisticated a Plan

Post by 7teen » Fri Nov 29, 2019 12:09 pm

It appears the recent lack of information coming out of Portland in the last few days was due to a recent media ban imposed by team owner David Wallace. With that ban now lifted, a conversation between team owner Wallace, General Manager Chris Wilson, and special assistant Kate Fiscus has just surfaced.

David: What in the fucking hell is going on around here? For the past week I've sat through investigations and god knows how many phone calls about some pig shit scandal. What do you have to say for this?

Chris: [looking confused. Glances at Kate and raises eyebrows in a puzzled manner] Beats me. Kate?

Kate: [looking back at Chris with the same confused nature] I have no idea. I saw it reported in the news a while back. I got a good laugh over it. You know, pig shit near the stadium and all. But that's it.

David: Well supposedly the feds thought it was us. They've been asking me all kinds of questions. Stating things about our computer system and how information came from here. Only recently did they decide it wasn't us. It wasn't us, was it?

Chris: [looking confused. Glances at Kate and raises eyebrows in a puzzled manner] Beats me. I've been up in Vancouver. Speaking of pig shit and foul smells.....

David: Don't start with me Chris. I'm not joking here. It's bad enough we got our asses kicked by Vancouver. But this is serious.

Chris: Sorry. No boss, I know nothing of this. Kate?

Kate: [looking back at Chris with the same confused nature] Couldn't be us. Computer systems? Hacking? Sounds way too sophisticated of a plot for us. I only sleep with people to get what we need.

David: You do what?

Chris: All she's just kidding [gives Kate a quick glance, eyebrows raised in a 'shut-up' manner]. She's a jokester. She's just hear to help sell t-shirts and come up with ways to better promote The Master PlanTM

Kate: [says nothing. Only shrugs, knowing there was truth to what she said]

David: Yeah, The Master PlanTM. That idea seems to be working "real well". Look, I know a lot of funny business has been going on around here and in the league lately. I don't like it. I don't want to be a part of it. The league and the feds have listed our silence ban so we can get back to making news here in Portland again, but for baseball purposes. But they also said they'd like any help in the investigation if possible. IS there anything you can offer to help?

Chris: I don't know much. Again, I've been in Vancouver way too much of late. Don't know anything really. But if I had a guess, I'd put this squarely on that bunch from Chicago. Sounds like something that Vinnie would do.

David: Agreed I guess. That guy is a weasel to be around for sure. But we don't have anything so state for sure it was them. Kate, do you know anything?

Kate: Not really. I do know though that when they played us out last month, some of the guys had a weird smell about them. Their hotel rooms were pretty rank. I"ve never smelled pig poop but perhaps that was it.

David: Why were you in their rooms?

Kate: I was fu....

Chris: She was making sure the accomodations were adequate. That's one of her jobs. We are the only organization in the league that makes sure our accomodations for visiting teams are up to par. We've gotten some pretty good reviews so far.

Kate: I've never gotten a complaint.

David: Yeah, ok. That sounds good. I wish more teams would do that.

Chris: Me too!

Kate: Me three!

David: Sure yeah. But anyway guys, stay clear of this pig shit mess and let's finish up the season, ok? And if you do hear anything, let me know. We don't need this headache heading into the off-season. We might have some cash to spend and we need to bring in some free agents this off-season.

Chris: Sounds great boss.

Kate: I'm on top of them. It! I mean it!
Chris Wilson

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Portland Lumberjacks 2040-

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Re: We Got Wood - 40.52 - Too Sophisticated a Plan

Post by HoosierVic » Fri Nov 29, 2019 3:01 pm

Ha! That last line ...

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Re: We Got Wood - 40.52 - Too Sophisticated a Plan

Post by jleddy » Fri Nov 29, 2019 3:09 pm

Kate Fiscus, never turns down a bed yet amazing turndown service...she's a quite the paradox.
"My $#!? doesn't work in the playoffs." - Billy Beane Joe Lederer

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