Pilot Light #1: Machiavelli was not a Baseball Fan
Posted: Thu Jun 27, 2024 11:45 pm
PILOT LIGHT #1: Machiavelli was not a Baseball Fan
by Bernardo Silva
São Paulo Pilots fans and beat writers alike eagerly awaited the arrival of Lex Clark, the new General Manager of the club, to the podium. He arrived three minutes late, apologizing profusely to everyone, sweating through his suit, and chugging bottles of water.
"I'm not going to make a habit of being late," Clark said. "But I'll tell you what I am going to make. I'm going to make the São Paulo Pilots the winningest organization in the GBC!"
"We're going after chips," he added. "Let me say it plain. Cham. Pi. On. Chips. That's all that matters to me, that's all that matters to our fans, and frankly, that should be all that matters to our players. We ain't done a good enough job this year. We're gonna fix that."
When asked what his first moves will be, Clark thought for a moment, and then offered, perhaps, the most bizarre claim a General Manager for the Pilots has ever made. "Machiavelli, in his book the Prince, said that a King must do all the things that will make him unpopular early on. This way, the people have time to forget about it. So, am I going to be the most popular man in São Paulo? Probably not. Gimme some time, though. I'll win you over. Yes siree!"
A stunned hush fell over the beat writers and local press. A lump formed in all our throats.
Finally, a voice cut through the silence like a knife.
"...but you're going to re-sign Katsunan Hashimoto, right?"
Clark spit all the water out of his mouth.
"Do I look like the biggest idiot who ever called himself a general manager? Don't answer that. Listen. Hashimoto is the short term plan. Hashimoto is the long term plan. I've talked with Hashi -- that's what I call him because we're already boys. But yeah, me and Hashi talked already. We're talking numbers. Chill out. Look, if Hashimoto doesn't sign a deal with us? I'll wrestle an alligator on live TV. But let's just say, that's never going to happen. And if it does, well then guess what? I'm whooping a gators butt, and we'll get a new superstar blue chip player who is young and talented. How? Because I'm a genius. That's how."
Clark would go on to discuss his plans for the minor league and farm system, but, to be honest, none of that matters if he is unable to keep Hashimoto in São Paulo.
All due respect to Lex Clark, but Machiavelli was not a baseball fan.
by Bernardo Silva
São Paulo Pilots fans and beat writers alike eagerly awaited the arrival of Lex Clark, the new General Manager of the club, to the podium. He arrived three minutes late, apologizing profusely to everyone, sweating through his suit, and chugging bottles of water.
"I'm not going to make a habit of being late," Clark said. "But I'll tell you what I am going to make. I'm going to make the São Paulo Pilots the winningest organization in the GBC!"
"We're going after chips," he added. "Let me say it plain. Cham. Pi. On. Chips. That's all that matters to me, that's all that matters to our fans, and frankly, that should be all that matters to our players. We ain't done a good enough job this year. We're gonna fix that."
When asked what his first moves will be, Clark thought for a moment, and then offered, perhaps, the most bizarre claim a General Manager for the Pilots has ever made. "Machiavelli, in his book the Prince, said that a King must do all the things that will make him unpopular early on. This way, the people have time to forget about it. So, am I going to be the most popular man in São Paulo? Probably not. Gimme some time, though. I'll win you over. Yes siree!"
A stunned hush fell over the beat writers and local press. A lump formed in all our throats.
Finally, a voice cut through the silence like a knife.
"...but you're going to re-sign Katsunan Hashimoto, right?"
Clark spit all the water out of his mouth.
"Do I look like the biggest idiot who ever called himself a general manager? Don't answer that. Listen. Hashimoto is the short term plan. Hashimoto is the long term plan. I've talked with Hashi -- that's what I call him because we're already boys. But yeah, me and Hashi talked already. We're talking numbers. Chill out. Look, if Hashimoto doesn't sign a deal with us? I'll wrestle an alligator on live TV. But let's just say, that's never going to happen. And if it does, well then guess what? I'm whooping a gators butt, and we'll get a new superstar blue chip player who is young and talented. How? Because I'm a genius. That's how."
Clark would go on to discuss his plans for the minor league and farm system, but, to be honest, none of that matters if he is unable to keep Hashimoto in São Paulo.
All due respect to Lex Clark, but Machiavelli was not a baseball fan.