“6-0 BABY!”
So spoke the RAMJACK Corporation electronic billboards, normally devoted to showing the ballooning stock price of the megacorp, given over now to the news that their Sao Paolo Pilots are 100% winningy in the last six games.
Although five of those games were squeaked out in the squeakiest of circumstances, it is edifying for all at RAMJACK to focus on the comprehensive destruction of the Jerusalem Hebrew Hammers 13-6.
Star of that shellacking was the occasional CF of the Pilots, Costa Rican outfielder Manny Gómez, who cracked out 5 hits and 2 doubles in 6 ABs. While his uniform number of #1 suggests that Manny is one of those prissy prima-donnas that require an exciting collection of digits (see also #99, #69) to support their self-exaggerated self-importance, we are reliable informed that he has, in fact, high adaptability. He is also not “not the sharpest tool in the shed”, so perhaps it was the only number he knew.
Manny may not know numbers; he also does not know how to hit lefties. He is a career .627 hitter against southpaws, and a career .892 hitter against righties. Indeed he had started only 35 games in his career against lefties, compared to 300 against their more populous counter-weights. The decision by the super-computer* than ran Sao Paolo prior to RAMJACK taking control to set him loose against his nemesis this year may look like madness, but was just a cunningly engineered plot by GM Dog Action to make himself like a genius by platooning him again.
After the game, Manny said "Every batter wants to have a quality at-bat every time he steps up to the plate. He wants to hit the ball hard." It was unclear if he was describing himself in the third-person, the abstract concept of ‘the batter’, or was genuinely confused as to what had happened. As we said, uniform number #1.
Manny Gómez, unintelligent platoon shellacker
* RAMJACK Venture Capitalism would like to make clear that while they may both be part of the RAMJACK Corporation, RAMJACK Super-Computers is a separate subsidiary with no links to them