Dragon Questions - The Best Promotions That Could Have Been

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Dragon Questions - The Best Promotions That Could Have Been

Post by stormfall » Sat Feb 23, 2019 2:53 pm

Running a baseball team is a difficult business. It’s even more difficult when you can’t communicate with your fans because you’re stuck in a long-abandoned and structurally unstable castle in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains. We were supposed to be back in Bucharest already, but when our analysts volunteered to go into the nearest town for supplies, they noticed a poster nailed to the church in the center of town. They didn’t understand what “l-AI VĂZUT PE ACEST OM?” meant, but they definitely understood the picture of my face with the offer “RECOMPENSĂ - 20,000 LEU” beneath it. Noticing the alarming number of townspeople with sharp implements, our analysts beat a hasty retreat, scattering supplies on their run. Now that we’ll be stuck here for the foreseeable future, all we can do is tide our fans over with some of the best promotional ideas that we never got a chance to bring onto the field. Enjoy!

Andrei Romanescu and his Wonder Mice
I personally love this sort of promotion, because no one in our front office really has to do anything. Romanescu is an esteemed entertainer who contacted us recently with an offer to perform in our ballpark. His act consists solely of him in a top hat and a great baggy costume filled with two to three dozen mice. All we have to do is turn his polka soundtrack on and let the mice do the rest. Unfortunately, we can no longer book Romanescu for the 2038 season, as he has just announced his plans to go on tour, sharing his Wonder Mice with the whole wide world. Things like this just happen, I suppose...

Drive the Bases Night
If we’d thought about this a little more, this promotion could easily have become a reality. The premise was simple: We open up the gates to the parking lot, you enter the ballpark behind the wheel, you drive your vehicle around the infield. Like so many other potential Balauri promotions, we thought this could be a rousing success. Unless, of course, we had a game the following day. Or our outfield wall operator was on vacation. Or somebody showed up to the game in a semi truck or an actual tank. Or we scheduled it for 1-Leu Beer Night. And so on. By the time we finished knocking out all the unworkable dates for Drive the Bases Night, we had wiped out our entire schedule for the remainder of the season. I’m sure it was probably for the best - not too long after, the league called our offices to make sure we weren’t “planning anything insane, like driving cars around the infield or something.” Sadly, we’d already given up on that kind of crazy dream.

Fire Sale Night
Our promotional director is a wonderful man who knows all sorts of fascinating people, and it’s only natural that his off-the-field occupations should manifest in his day job with the Bucharest Balauri. Earlier this season, prominent local mob boss Iacob “Crazy Face” Marin fell victim to a meticulously coordinated accident, and with the heir to his estate on an extended sabbatical at the bottom of the Danube River, all of Marin’s property fell to our promotional director. Not wishing to encounter the same kind of accident, our promotional director thought is wise to get rid of his newfound goods as soon as possible - and that’s where the Balauri would come in. All fans entering the ballpark on Fire Sale Night would be given raffle tickets to win a number of luxury items, such as a gold-plated donkey, a Victorian-style houseboat, and the finest imported brambles that money can buy. Obviously this fire sale never took place, as our promotional director was arrested immediately after the Vladdy incident, and Marin’s assets were seized by the Romanian government for personal use. But hey, a GM can dream, right?

Organ Transplant Tuesdays
Why not combine the gentle, leisurely pace of a baseball game with the frantic, critical urgency of an organ transplant? That’s what our entire front office pondered early this season, and we really couldn’t think of an argument against it. We had always felt that pitching changes dragged on too long and disrupted fans’ investment in the game, so we thought of the most intense, jaw-dropping activity that could justifiably be squeezed into two-minute segments (we had to withdraw tightrope walking after our promotional director revealed he had been banned from the entire United Kingdom for trying it), and our most worthwhile option was clearly an organ transplant. Our plan just had one minor flaw: we did have to tell the league about it eventually. Although we waited until three hours before game time to do so, the league was somehow able to mobilize and get the patient into the care of legitimate medical professionals. In hindsight, this was a much better idea than using our on-site medical staff, which consisted of the team trainer, a group of Cub Scouts, and one lucky fan.

The Great Left Field-Right Field Water-Balloons-and-Fresh-Fruit Slingshot War of 2037
I get teary-eyed just thinking about this one. Oh, the things that never were...

As if things weren’t chaotic enough around here, the wildlife rescue center back home that originally kept Derek has another animal that they’re trying to pawn off on me: a fossa named Gerald. It seems that Gerald shares Derek’s natural curiosity and elite climbing prowess, but lacks the same manual dexterity - which means while Derek excels at stealing things, Gerald is only good at breaking them. We may be stuck in this freezing, smelly, supposedly haunted castle for a while longer, but don’t let that stop you from sending your inquiries and opinions to the Bucharest Balauri front office. What’s the worst that can happen? Find out next week, with another look into the offices of your Bucharest Balauri!

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Re: Dragon Questions - The Best Promotions That Could Have Been

Post by bschr682 » Sat Feb 23, 2019 10:57 pm

Vladdy? Just change the text a bit...
dragon.jpg (53.51 KiB) Viewed 827 times

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