Hammer4 Time 2045.6- Meeting With The Owner

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chicoruiz
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Hammer4 Time 2045.6- Meeting With The Owner

Post by chicoruiz » Mon Jan 25, 2021 2:11 pm

My annual end-of-season meeting with Abdul-Rashid Bassam, the owner of the Hebrew Hammers, was always a tense experience for me. Part of it, of course, was our record; it’s hard to be chill when you’re coming off a 100-loss season. Plus there was the issue of his demeanor- kind of a Middle Eastern Vito Corleone. I wasn’t sure how he’d made his money, but I assumed that it involved some fairly unsavory practices. So, even though he’d been nothing but nice and understanding to me, I was quite edgy when we sat down this year. To break the ice, I decided to start with a joke.

“So, there is a little boy who is unfailingly optimistic and cheerful, to the point where his parents are worried about him. They think that if he doesn’t develop a harder shell, he won’t be able to handle the inevitable disappointments that life throws at a person. So they decide to introduce some negativity into his life; on Christmas morning, instead of his usual gifts, they have a huge pile of horse manure delivered to their front yard, and tell him that’s his only present.

“But the boy doesn’t react as they’d hoped; he runs out into the yard, jumps onto the pile and starts happily flinging shit in every direction. When his appalled parents ask him what he’s doing, he says, “Are you kidding? There’s gotta be a pony under here somewhere!!”

Silence. Maybe the joke wasn’t a good idea. I continued.

“So that’s kind of how the first two years in Jerusalem have been for me. Inheriting a bad team and a bad farm system, I’ve spent most of my time sorting through players who turn out to be turds, and throwing them away, looking for players who might have some value.”

“And how is this search going, Chico?”

“I think it’s going slower than I could wish, but well. We have decent, if not good, players at every position except maybe shortstop. We had a winning record in the last two months of the season. And our farm system is, I think, the best in the UMEBA, and will start producing players at a significant rate in the next year or two. Danny Glatz at 2b and Leon Torres at 1B look like long-term answers at their positions. Two or three of our starting pitchers look to be at least- not disgraceful, and there are reinforcements coming from the minors. All in all, despite our record, I think we made progress this year.”

“So, what are your plans in the off-season to make this team less embarrassing to both of us?”

“Well, with all due respect, I need to spend some money. I need a shortstop and another starting pitcher, and they won’t come cheap. And if a star-caliber player at 3b or the outfield were to become available, I might make a move for them. I’ve been really good at staying way under the generous budget you’ve given me; now, with your permission I think it’s time to spread our wings a bit.”

“Very well”, he said, rising from his chair. “Spend what you need to spend. But Chico…. This year… make sure you find the pony, eh???”
( “In baseball you don’t know nothin’...” Yogi Berra)

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Re: Hammer4 Time 2045.6- Meeting With The Owner

Post by RichY » Tue Jan 26, 2021 5:26 pm

Sounds like you are set to take a step up. Good deal. Well written article too.
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Re: Hammer4 Time 2045.6- Meeting With The Owner

Post by RonCo » Sun Jan 31, 2021 12:57 pm

Totally concur. Set-up in process, and a very fun bit. "There's gotta be a pony under here somewhere!"

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