Hammer Time 2045.2- Talking Pitching (reluctantly)
Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2020 1:52 pm
Well, this was a meeting I hadn’t been looking forward to…
Alex Acevedo, our pitching coach, wasn’t a mean guy. He wasn’t a dumb guy. He wasn’t even a bad pitching coach; not a great one, but…okay.
The problem is that he’s an incredibly gross guy. Years of spending all of his time among baseball players had given him a collection of rough edges that no sandpaper ever made could smooth out. To converse with him is to experience a catalog of noises the human body is capable of making. The pitchers dreaded his visits to the mound, and even Miriam, who was no fragile flower, refused to be in the same room with him. Still, he needed to be briefed on the pitching staff, so here we were.
“So we can start the rotation with five guys who started for us a lot last year”, I began.
“I hope that’s not the good news”, he replied, blowing his nose on his sleeve. "I bet one of them is Norberto Martinez. That guy is like a zombie; we keep burying him and he keeps coming to the surface.” I was bobbing and weaving like Mohammed Ali trying to avoid the shower of saliva he expelled when he talked.
“Well, yes, but there are some new options this year. Yoshimatsu Yamaguchi and Josh Brown are BBA veterans; they weren’t stars, but they were all right, and stepping down in quality of competition should help. They’re both over 30, but I think they can help us for a couple of years until the kids start coming up”.
He explored the inside of his ear delicately with the tip of his little finger. “Yeah, what about those kids? When am I gonna have a chance to work with them up here?”
“I don’t want to rush them. Kim and Xu got some AAA experience last year, so they might be up around the all-star break. Goodchild will spend the year at AAA; if he’s as good as I think he is, he needs to be handled with kid gloves.”
“So I won’t have any other options until then?”
“Well, there is one guy I’d like you to know about. I signed a guy named Al Barton; he’s hurt right now, but I'm hoping he’ll be ready in late April, and I think he’s a sleeper to be one of the better starters in our rotation.”
“Not that that’s saying much”, he said, clearing his sinuses with a thunderous snort. “How about the bullpen- any help there?”
“Yeah… I added several guys who might be okay. The one guy I wanted to point out to you is our rule 5 guy, Alberto Romero. He’s got great stuff, but he’s wilder than Lindsay Lohan at Mardi Gras. We probably need to keep him away from high-leverage situations this year.”
“Will do, boss. Well, I better get back to the locker room”. As he stood up, I heard a sound like fabric ripping- and I had a horrible suspicion that it wasn’t fabric ripping.
After he left, I sat in silence for a few minutes, until Chaim stuck his head in the doorway. “You coming to lunch with us Boss?”
“Nooo…I kind of suddenly don’t have an appetite. I think I’ll just stay here and maybe- I don't know- disinfect some surfaces.”
Alex Acevedo, our pitching coach, wasn’t a mean guy. He wasn’t a dumb guy. He wasn’t even a bad pitching coach; not a great one, but…okay.
The problem is that he’s an incredibly gross guy. Years of spending all of his time among baseball players had given him a collection of rough edges that no sandpaper ever made could smooth out. To converse with him is to experience a catalog of noises the human body is capable of making. The pitchers dreaded his visits to the mound, and even Miriam, who was no fragile flower, refused to be in the same room with him. Still, he needed to be briefed on the pitching staff, so here we were.
“So we can start the rotation with five guys who started for us a lot last year”, I began.
“I hope that’s not the good news”, he replied, blowing his nose on his sleeve. "I bet one of them is Norberto Martinez. That guy is like a zombie; we keep burying him and he keeps coming to the surface.” I was bobbing and weaving like Mohammed Ali trying to avoid the shower of saliva he expelled when he talked.
“Well, yes, but there are some new options this year. Yoshimatsu Yamaguchi and Josh Brown are BBA veterans; they weren’t stars, but they were all right, and stepping down in quality of competition should help. They’re both over 30, but I think they can help us for a couple of years until the kids start coming up”.
He explored the inside of his ear delicately with the tip of his little finger. “Yeah, what about those kids? When am I gonna have a chance to work with them up here?”
“I don’t want to rush them. Kim and Xu got some AAA experience last year, so they might be up around the all-star break. Goodchild will spend the year at AAA; if he’s as good as I think he is, he needs to be handled with kid gloves.”
“So I won’t have any other options until then?”
“Well, there is one guy I’d like you to know about. I signed a guy named Al Barton; he’s hurt right now, but I'm hoping he’ll be ready in late April, and I think he’s a sleeper to be one of the better starters in our rotation.”
“Not that that’s saying much”, he said, clearing his sinuses with a thunderous snort. “How about the bullpen- any help there?”
“Yeah… I added several guys who might be okay. The one guy I wanted to point out to you is our rule 5 guy, Alberto Romero. He’s got great stuff, but he’s wilder than Lindsay Lohan at Mardi Gras. We probably need to keep him away from high-leverage situations this year.”
“Will do, boss. Well, I better get back to the locker room”. As he stood up, I heard a sound like fabric ripping- and I had a horrible suspicion that it wasn’t fabric ripping.
After he left, I sat in silence for a few minutes, until Chaim stuck his head in the doorway. “You coming to lunch with us Boss?”
“Nooo…I kind of suddenly don’t have an appetite. I think I’ll just stay here and maybe- I don't know- disinfect some surfaces.”