“Okay… So what’s the tally so far?” I asked. The brain trust (I use the term very loosely) of the Hebrew Hammers was gathered in the conference room for a progress report.
Miriam looked at her laptop. “Sixteen offers…Seven accepted, four maybes, three no replies, and two downright refusals. A good number, but only one real major leaguer, and even the one is kind of iffy.”
“He’s not iffy”, said a voice from the corner. This was a recent arrival in the office; Luis Cardenas, our nominal assistant GM. Luis was supposed to be a good scout, but so far had proven to be more adept at scouting gin mills than ballplayers. He was in a period of sobriety right now, though, and we tried to support him in that. We’d even foregone our usual Goldstar beer for bottles of seltzer water; as a result, our free agent discussions were often punctuated by discreet burps.
“Jim Lorenzen is not iffy”, he continued. “I know he hasn’t hit much in the BBA, but taking a step down to the UMEBA should help that. He should hit for the same average as the guy you had in center field last year, with the same defense and a lot more pop. And he’s only 25. I’ll stake my reputation on it.”
Setting aside the question of what reputation he thought he had, I continued. “So Lorenzen is a big leaguer. Does anyone want to stand on the table for anyone else we signed to make the big roster?”
“I don’t want to stand on the table- I know what’s been on that table, and I don’t want to ruin my shoes”, said Chaim, “but I think Sen Abe can help as a lefty out of the pen. Heck he may even be able to start if we’re in a bind, which we always seem to be.” Chaim was in charge of negotiating with free agents of Asian background. We seemed to be in talks with a lot of Asian free agents, possibly because of the cuteness of the Japanese university coed Chaim had hired to translate. I had a feeling he was involved in some negotiations of his own…
“What else do you think we need, Terry?” I asked Terry Jenkins, our close-mouthed manager.
“Starting pitching. Two, maybe three. Backup catcher. Maybe upgrade at shortstop.”
Miriam interjected. “And this time, Chico, if you do happen to luck into a good starter, please do not trade him away for a bag of magic beans.”
“Hey, you guys leave Chico alone”, said Luis. “He’s doing a heck of a job, and he deserves your support, not a bunch of smart-aleck jokes.”
Wow, I thought. I’m actually having my a** kissed. First time ever. I guess I’m a real baseball executive at last…
Hammer Time 2045.1- FA Starts
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Re: Hammer Time 2045.1- FA Starts
Really like the Lorenzen signing...nice work.
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Re: Hammer Time 2045.1- FA Starts
I agree with Joe - I always held out hope for Lorenzen in Chicago but he never could put enough of a hitting stroke together to even break the Mendoza line. But his defense is exceptional. If he can even hit .250 in the UMEBA, he’ll be a valuable piece for you.
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Re: Hammer Time 2045.1- FA Starts
Not a bad bet on Lorenzen. 10 CF ratings with pop are hard to come by. I like the writing too.
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Re: Hammer Time 2045.1- FA Starts
Fun Lorenzen tidbit — he was once traded for a throw rug.
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-- Vic Caleca Team News Award Winner 2052
-- BBA Champion 2053
— The Heartland Sucks
-- Pacific Champs 2040, 2042, 2043, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2051, 2053, 2054, 2058
Life is a bit more beautiful when time is measured by the half inning rather than the half hour.
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