Hammer Time 2044 #4

GM: Zachary Moore-Smith

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chicoruiz
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Hammer Time 2044 #4

Post by chicoruiz » Thu Sep 24, 2020 2:04 pm

Suffice to say, I was not the most popular figure in the Jerusalem front office…

Okay, okay… I traded maybe our two best pitchers. I acknowledge that. But we weren’t going anywhere this season anyway, and we got what I considered to be four pretty good prospects for them.

And okay… One of the prospects turned out to have such a toxic personality that I ended up having to banish him to Johannesburg before he’d ever pitched a game for us. I’m hoping that he either gets his personality issues under control there, or he pitches so well that the rest of the team will be willing to put up with him here. But for now, he’s as welcome in our clubhouse as a turd in the Gatorade cooler.

But shoot, a GM has to do some GM stuff occasionally, right? I was getting sick of Chaim and Miriam doing everything and treating me like a fifth wheel…or a third wheel; however many wheels are considered one more than necessary…

Anyway, since then, there has been a noticeable coolness in the office. I’ve been sorting through free agency and the waiver wire, trying to find a pitcher or two who’s willing to come here and attempt to post an ERA with less than four digits in it. And if I do say so, I think I had a pretty good draft. In fact, I thought, I should call our first round pick, Gary Goodchild, and touch base with him. I hadn’t had contact with him since draft day.

“So Gary”, I said when we’d finally established a connection, “how did an English teenager end up throwing a knuckleball in a German league?”

“It just sort of happened”, he said. “I had some mates from America, and they were teaching me how to play catch with an American baseball one day, and my throws just seemed to flutter like a bleeding butterfly naturally. I started pitching in a weekend league, and in two shakes I was recruited to play in the German league.”

“Sort of like the Beatles, eh” says I. “Britisher who needs to go to Germany to polish his craft”.

“Sorry, sir- I don’t know much about that old-time music… Were they before or after Oasis?”

Take me now, Lord, I thought.

I hung up to find Chaim and Miriam in the office, and thought it was a good time to clear the air. “Look, I know I’ve made a few mistakes…like trading for a pitcher who turned out to be a schmuck..”

“Schmuck? Don’t patronize us by trying to use Yiddish” said Chaim. He’s an a-hole. You can say that.”

“Anyway, I just want to say…”

“Hold it” said Miriam. She looked at Chaim. “We’ve decided we’ve been maybe a bit hard on you. We know how hard this must be- taking on this job with no experience, and little natural ability.” I grimaced at this. “But from now on, we’re going to work together as a team. You’re the GM; just don’t make any more terrible decisions without at least checking with us. Okay?”

I nodded my assent. From now on, all our terrible decisions would be arrived at collectively. Should that make me feel better?
( “In baseball you don’t know nothin’...” Yogi Berra)

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HoosierVic
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Re: Hammer Time 2044 #4

Post by HoosierVic » Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:10 pm

Ha! Chaim and Miriam will change their tunes once Goodchild starts working his way through your minors. He looks terrific.

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