As a youngster in Sunday School, I was always hearing about “the triumphal entry into Jerusalem”. Suffice to say, my own entry didn’t quite measure up…
It started when my plane landed, and I was unable to figure out which light rail would take me to the ball park (I had decided to go to the park before I even checked into my hotel, hoping it would make a good impression on…whomever). Ownership had named the park “the Holy Land” (apparently modesty was not an issue for them), so when I asked passers-by how to get to the holy land, it caused a bit of confusion. This eventually led to a group of fellow Americans taking me under their wing, but as luck would have it, it was a bad decision on my part. They turned out to be a tour group from some Southern fundamentalist sect, and when we descended from the train with no ballpark in sight, I discovered it was their intent to baptize me in the Jordan River, forcibly if necessary. I was able to fight my way clear (they were mostly elderly folks) but when I finally managed to backtrack and get on the right train, my spirits were fairly low.
I was standing outside the main gates of the park, collecting myself, when I heard a voice over my shoulder say, “Pretty cool, isn’t it… a place where Jew, Christian and Moslem alike can forget their differences and join together in hating the home plate umpire”.
I turned and saw a weedy young man, probably in his mid-20s, wearing chinos and a polo shirt, and trying with very limited success to grow a moustache. “I’m Chaim”, he said, “assistant GM. And you must be Chico Ruiz, although I didn’t expect you to show up wet from the knees down”.
“Kind of a long story”, I replied. “Are you American? You sound more like me than anyone I’ve met so far”.
“Nah, I’m a local. But I did two and a half years at Kent State in business administration before the money ran out”.
“So now your plan is a career in baseball administration?”
“No, my plan is to marry Gal Gadot and live on her earnings. But with me back here and her spending so much time in Hollywood, I need something to kill time until destiny brings us together. Come on, let me show you your office”.
My office turned out to be semi-spacious; I wished I was more deserving of it. I was a bit surprised to see what I thought was a teenage boy sitting in my chair with his back to me, wearing jeans and a sleeveless white tee. I cleared my throat. “Uh, excuse me…”
The chair swiveled around and I was surprised to see that it was actually a girl. Really a kind of attractive girl if you like the tomboy type. “Hi Miriam” said Chaim. This is Miriam…she’s your secretary”.
“Administrative assistant”, she corrected, smiling and displaying super-white teeth. They obviously had access to good dentistry in Jerusalem.
“Hi Miriam. Hope you’ll be patient with me; I’ve never had an administrative assistant before”.
“That’s okay; I’ve never been one before. Last season I was on the grounds crew. We all do more than one job here. This year I will still have to help roll out the tarp when it rains. Which of course it almost never does..”
“Well,” I said trying to test my shaky authority, “I’m going to go check into my hotel, then I’ll come back and we better get started. We need to hire a coaching staff and get some bids out on free agents ASAP”.
Chaim and Miriam looked at each other, then back at me sheepishly. “Well…we kind of did that stuff already.”
Hammer Times 2044- Chapter 2
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