Baseball Mumbai: The Breakup 2039.8
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 2:04 pm
SAI: Hey there, Stargazers, welcome to Baseball Mumbai. I'm the host of the program, Sai "Young" Ahuji, and with me, as always, is Aarav "the Umeba" Patil.
AARAV: Whatever. It all just sucks.
SAI: Yeah, it sucks.
AARAV: I'm just done with it all.
SAI: Folks, bad news to report on the Metro Stars front today. League officials confirmed the departure of Mumbai GM, db "Shoeless" Olmsted, after one off-season with the club -- no actual games other than some meaningless spring training affairs. Shoeless plans to take over the General Manager position with the BBA's California Crusaders.
AARAV: It's just not fair. What's wrong with us? Why won't anyone love us enough to stay with us? We can change. We can. We'll do anything.
SAI: Maybe Bucharest is right. Maybe we are just rats. We're never good enough. [small sob] Here's some stupid audio of the guy who just dumped us:
[begin audio]
SHOELESS: I swear it's me and not you. You're a great city. This is a great organization. It just wasn't the right time for me ... for us. Maybe in a couple years we'll see each other, and we'll see all the right stars in each other's eyes, but I'm just not ready to settle down with you, Mumbai. I'm sorry. Please, take the sweatshirt back you gave me [begins removing his Metro Stars sweatshirt ... a voice from the small crowd gathered yells out, "Just keep it. Keep it. Something to remember us by."].
[end audio]
AARAV: They just always leave. They come and get what they want. They use us! And leave. Why?
SAI: [muffled cries]
AARAV: [begins eating some chocolate ice cream straight from the container]
SAI: [lies down in fetal position]
[top unpaid intern, Wasim Jeffers Jr., waltzes into the studio with a suitcase]
WASIM: Why are you guys crying? We're headed to f***ing Cali, baby! California!
SAI: What?
WASIM: Some Crusader fans were reviewing Shoeless' work to see what the hell they're getting. They came across our show and want us to come do a program on the Crusaders. We're going to America, baby!
AARAV: America?
WASIM: Hell, yeah, America.
SAI: Well, this looks like we'll be signing off for good from Baseball Mumbai. For Sai Ahuji, Aarav Patil, and all our hardworking interns, take care, Stargazers, and we hope to see your stars in the Crusader's ballpark soon.
AARAV: Bucharest still sucks!
AARAV: Whatever. It all just sucks.
SAI: Yeah, it sucks.
AARAV: I'm just done with it all.
SAI: Folks, bad news to report on the Metro Stars front today. League officials confirmed the departure of Mumbai GM, db "Shoeless" Olmsted, after one off-season with the club -- no actual games other than some meaningless spring training affairs. Shoeless plans to take over the General Manager position with the BBA's California Crusaders.
AARAV: It's just not fair. What's wrong with us? Why won't anyone love us enough to stay with us? We can change. We can. We'll do anything.
SAI: Maybe Bucharest is right. Maybe we are just rats. We're never good enough. [small sob] Here's some stupid audio of the guy who just dumped us:
[begin audio]
SHOELESS: I swear it's me and not you. You're a great city. This is a great organization. It just wasn't the right time for me ... for us. Maybe in a couple years we'll see each other, and we'll see all the right stars in each other's eyes, but I'm just not ready to settle down with you, Mumbai. I'm sorry. Please, take the sweatshirt back you gave me [begins removing his Metro Stars sweatshirt ... a voice from the small crowd gathered yells out, "Just keep it. Keep it. Something to remember us by."].
[end audio]
AARAV: They just always leave. They come and get what they want. They use us! And leave. Why?
SAI: [muffled cries]
AARAV: [begins eating some chocolate ice cream straight from the container]
SAI: [lies down in fetal position]
[top unpaid intern, Wasim Jeffers Jr., waltzes into the studio with a suitcase]
WASIM: Why are you guys crying? We're headed to f***ing Cali, baby! California!
SAI: What?
WASIM: Some Crusader fans were reviewing Shoeless' work to see what the hell they're getting. They came across our show and want us to come do a program on the Crusaders. We're going to America, baby!
AARAV: America?
WASIM: Hell, yeah, America.
SAI: Well, this looks like we'll be signing off for good from Baseball Mumbai. For Sai Ahuji, Aarav Patil, and all our hardworking interns, take care, Stargazers, and we hope to see your stars in the Crusader's ballpark soon.
AARAV: Bucharest still sucks!