Baseball Mumbai: Ballpark Dimensions 2038.3

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Baseball Mumbai: Ballpark Dimensions 2038.3

Post by shoeless.db » Thu Jun 06, 2019 1:53 pm

SAI: Welcome, Metro Stargazers, I'm your host of Baseball Mumbai, Sai "Young" Ahuji. Next to me, as always, is the legend, Aarav "the Umeba" Patil.

AARAV: (crosses his arms and exhales loudly from his nostrils)

SAI: Tonight's top story -- Groundskeepers at Ballpark of Mumbai have been working overtime repairing the outfield fences back to original 2038 dimensions. Baseball Mumbai's top unpaid intern, Wasim Jaffer Jr., reports new team GM, Shoeless, hired a rough band of day laborers to push the left and right field walls back roughly 20 feet. Current field dimensions included short porches of 319 feet to left and 318 feet to right.

AARAV: That's one way to limit the moon shots given up by Aurelio Fernandez.

SAI: When asked about this blatant discretion of UMEBA protocol, Shoeless had this to say:

(begin audio)

Olmsted: Look, I just want to bring the true beauty of baseball to Mumbai. That means guys hitting it to the gaps and legging out doubles and triples, like the damned baseball gods intended. Sure, I like the long ball as much as the next guy, but, Jesus-Ted-Williams-Christ, my 79-year-old aunt could pull her hands through on an inside heater and dump it over that wall. How the hell was I to know I need some obscure league official's consent as part of some tit-for-tat scheme?

(end audio)

SAI: Sources close to the team confirm one of the Metro Stars largest corporate sponsors, open air laundromat, Dhobi Ghat, expressed outrage at the destruction of their large painted advertisement on the left field wall. As part of the fallout, Dhobi Ghat executives have rescinded their agreement to wash Metro Star uniforms post games. Looks like we can expect a pungent group of ballplayers next season.

AARAV: Bucharest will still stink more.

SAI: Great insight, as always, Aarav. Well, thanks for tuning in to Baseball Mumbai and we'll see you at the ballpark, Stargazers!
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Re: Baseball Mumbai: Ballpark Dimensions 2038.3

Post by RonCo » Thu Jun 06, 2019 2:08 pm

Heh
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