Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

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Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

Post by shoeless.db » Wed Jun 05, 2019 1:56 pm

SAI: Welcome, Metro Stargazers, I'm your host of Baseball Mumbai, Sai "Young" Ahuji. And with me, as always, is Aarav "the Umeba" Patil.

AARAV: (turns away from camera, shaking his head)

SAI: Tonight's top story - An intern with Baseball Mumbai reports our new GM, "Shoeless" db Olmsted, held a closed door meeting with this show's favorite player and ratings builder, Aurelio Fernandez and Fernandez's interpreter.

AARAV: Wait, we're leading with this garbage?

SAI: 2038 UMEBA record holder, Aurelio Fernandez...

AARAV: In gopher balls, Sai.

SAI: That still makes him a record holder.

AARAV: 36. One landed in the Indian Ocean.

SAI: 2038 UMEBA record holder, Aurelio Fernandez, has drawn plenty of controversy during his stay in Mumbai, but our source confirmed we'll be seeing much more of the Columbian hurler in the future. Let's go to the audio recorded by our intern from Olmsted's office closet.

(Begin Audio)

SHOELESS: Just who in the hell do you think you are? Everything I've heard is awful. Attitude. Effort. Brain. Awful with teammates. Worse with fans. Everything!

FERNANDEZ: (silence)

SHOELESS: An idiot of a baseball god took a leak and it happened to fall on your golden right arm, blessing it with all the world of potential, yet your two-cent head ruins it all.

FERNANDEZ: (To the interpreter) Ese caremonda me molesta. (Translation: That d***head is bothering me.)

INTERPRETER: He says he's really sorry. He lost his grandma at the beginning of the season. Then, in June, his uncle passed away. He says he's on a journey to better learn how to deal with such travesties. He promises to be better next season.

SHOELESS: I'm very sorry for your loss. I, too, have dealt with loss, but that doesn't atone for the fact that your cutter landed more often in the outfield seats than in your catcher's mitt. How do you plan on turning that disaster around as there was more sucking on the diamond than in one of your idiot movies?

FERNANDEZ: Hijo de puta! (Son of a b****!)

INTERPRETER: He says plans are already in the works for a rigorous off-season workout program with many of the top professionals in body conditioning and weight training. He wants to get bigger and stronger to help this team win. He says he'll do anything to bring a championship to Mumbai.

SHOELESS: You sure he said all that?

INTERPRETER: Mmm, hmmm.

SHOELESS: Ok, glad to hear. We'll see you at Spring Training, Fernandez.


(End Audio)

SAI: There you have it -- Another year of our man, Aurelio Fernandez, tossing cookies to opposing hitters and weighing down the pockets of various Bollywood producers.

AARAV: Dumpster. Fire.

SAI: For Baseball Mumbai, thanks for tuning in, and we'll see you at the park, Stargazers!
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Re: Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

Post by RonCo » Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:05 pm

UMEBA record holder. Heh!

You guys are teaching me that I need to wait to click on your TNs until I can pay real attention.

Much fun.
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Re: Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

Post by HoosierVic » Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:13 pm

Ah, Aurelio. One of my parting gifts to the Metro Stars ... he looked so good on paper, and so bad in the actual ... you know ... games. Not to mention that he’s pretty much an ass.

But that’s OK, no need to thank me ...

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Re: Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

Post by shoeless.db » Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:20 pm

HoosierVic wrote:
Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:13 pm
Ah, Aurelio. One of my parting gifts to the Metro Stars ... he looked so good on paper, and so bad in the actual ... you know ... games. Not to mention that he’s pretty much an ass.

But that’s OK, no need to thank me ...
Pretty much an ass? I've encountered so few guys with all negative personality traits. He's truly a unicorn of a ballplayer.

Also, why? Why?
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Re: Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

Post by HoosierVic » Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:26 pm

His ratings, relative to the UMEBA, were so head and shoulders above everyone else in the free agent pool that he was hard to resist ... and, clearly, I didn’t.

But don’t think of him as an albatross weighing down your pitching staff and gnawing away at your clubhouse morale. Think of him as TN gold, which he undoubtedly is ...

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Re: Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

Post by shoeless.db » Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:42 pm

I just hope to remember to write about anyone else.
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Re: Baseball Mumbai with Sai and Aarav; Transcript 2038.2

Post by HoosierVic » Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:44 pm

Sometimes, you just need to indulge yourself...

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