Letters to my Deceased Grandfather; Entry 1: Mumbai
Posted: Fri May 31, 2019 12:32 pm
Gramps,
You wouldn't believe the bullshit the damned baseball gods are putting me through now. It's like they're sitting atop the rusting maintenance shack outside the almighty bullpen in the sky laughing their drunken asses off. I'm in god-forsaken Mumbai. Mumbai! I don't even know what country I'm in.
I'd like to have a couple words with those idiots from UMEBA who came to visit me back home. I thought I was going to the Middle East, like Charlotte or Greensboro. When they told me to make sure I had my passport, I just assumed one of my connecting flights went through Toronto. I knew it took too long to be flying over the Great Lakes.
The guy who I thought was sent from the organization to pick me up refuses to take me to my office at the ballpark. Actually, I can't even say he refuses. He just keeps telling me his cousin told him to pick me up and to keep me busy until tomorrow. I'm writing this on some sort of movie set. I think the guy's some kind of actor. Plus, he kept asking if I'd heard of Bollywood. I told that idiot over and over again it's called Baseball, not Bollywood.
Bollywood? That's what a damn toddler would call baseball.
He did happen to know one of my ballplayers, though -- some jack-hole named, Aurelio Fernandez. Turns out this Aurelio character has been the leading role in a couple movies with what seems to be some of the seedier actresses down here. My driver smirked when he told me this. I can only assume Aurelio is a pitcher as only a damned pitcher would star in movies titled, "Up and In", "From the Stretch", and, what seems to be his big box-office hit, "Working the Mounds".
If I don't kill someone tomorrow and end up in some foreign prison, I'll write again soon.
You're grandson,
Shoeless
You wouldn't believe the bullshit the damned baseball gods are putting me through now. It's like they're sitting atop the rusting maintenance shack outside the almighty bullpen in the sky laughing their drunken asses off. I'm in god-forsaken Mumbai. Mumbai! I don't even know what country I'm in.
I'd like to have a couple words with those idiots from UMEBA who came to visit me back home. I thought I was going to the Middle East, like Charlotte or Greensboro. When they told me to make sure I had my passport, I just assumed one of my connecting flights went through Toronto. I knew it took too long to be flying over the Great Lakes.
The guy who I thought was sent from the organization to pick me up refuses to take me to my office at the ballpark. Actually, I can't even say he refuses. He just keeps telling me his cousin told him to pick me up and to keep me busy until tomorrow. I'm writing this on some sort of movie set. I think the guy's some kind of actor. Plus, he kept asking if I'd heard of Bollywood. I told that idiot over and over again it's called Baseball, not Bollywood.
Bollywood? That's what a damn toddler would call baseball.
He did happen to know one of my ballplayers, though -- some jack-hole named, Aurelio Fernandez. Turns out this Aurelio character has been the leading role in a couple movies with what seems to be some of the seedier actresses down here. My driver smirked when he told me this. I can only assume Aurelio is a pitcher as only a damned pitcher would star in movies titled, "Up and In", "From the Stretch", and, what seems to be his big box-office hit, "Working the Mounds".
If I don't kill someone tomorrow and end up in some foreign prison, I'll write again soon.
You're grandson,
Shoeless