The Mumbai Mirror
June 5, 2038
Bollywood came to the baseball park on Saturday as the Mumbai Metro Stars celebrated the coronation of one its outfielders as the Bancroft League’s “Rookie of the Month” for May.
The team reached out to a local dance troupe to stage a Bollywood-style musical extravaganza to honor slugger Wilbur Green’s selection, and they filled the Ballpark of Mumbai with music, color, and pageantry.
Hart, the third baseman, is afraid of heights and famously threw up in the dugout after finishing his ride, which was intended to celebrate his selection as “Batter of the Month” for April by the league.
Saturday’s celebration came off without any such drama, although many of the players professed to be traumatized by the sight of Green joining in the dance.
“Some things, once seen, can’t be unseen,” said second baseman Gilbert Hansen in mock horror after the ceremony. “Watching Wilbur shimmy down the third base line and then do a ‘dance of the veils’ at home plate will keep me up at night for months.”
The irrepressible Green was unfazed by the teasing, however.
“F@#$in’ A, that was a blast,” he enthused. “Them ladies sure do know how to move!”
Manager Mark Bruner agreed the celebration was much more to the team’s liking than the ill-fated elephant ride.
“The team enjoyed it – and for sure Wilbur enjoyed it,” Bruner said, although he seemed a bit nonplused at Green’s colorful language. “We have got to get you a tagline that’s a little more family friendly than ‘Bleepin’ A,’ Wilbur.”
“Whatever you say, coach,” Green said, wrapping a translucent neon green veil around his neck.
“And those stupid veils have gotta go!” Bruner said with a wry grin.
“I don’t know, coach. I think we should make ‘em part of the uniform!” Green shot back.
Bruner shook his head.
“Maybe we should bring back the elephant and have it sit on Wilbur for awhile,” he said.
Bruner might want to reconsider that, given what Green has brought to the Mumbai lineup. His performance in May, which prompted the league award, included a .350 batting average, 10 home runs, and 22 RBIs. For the season, Green is slashing .297/.338/.710, with 18 home runs and 39 RBIs. He leads the Unified Middle East Baseball Association in homers and ranks second in RBIs.
“There’s no question that Wilbur has been an electric addition to the Metro Stars lineup,” said Caleca, the GM. “We can’t wait to see what he does the rest of the season – provided we can get those damn veils away from him.”
“Bleepin’ A!” said Green. “See coach? I cleaned that up – doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, though. I’m not sure family friendly is really my brand.”
“Dear lord,” Bruner moaned. “Where’s that damn elephant?”
