Shereen Malik: Welcome back to Metro Stars This Week! Joining us now is one of the team’s brightest new stars, outfielder Wilbur Green – in fact, he was just honored as the Bancroft League’s Player of the Week.
Shereen Malik
Wilbur Green: Well, thanks for having me, Ms. Malik. It’s a pleasure.
Shereen: Please, call me Shereen.
Wilbur: All righty, Shereen!
Shereen: You’ve made quite the splash this season with your power hitting. It’s only May 11, and you already have 13 home runs. That’s quite a pace!
Wilbur: I don’t know about that, but I do know there’s one thing I love to do more than just about anything and that’s crush a fastball. That’s just the best. Well, unless it’s crushing a hanging curve ball. That’s pretty damn good, too. Or a slider that don’t slide.
Shereen: You love to hit!
Wilbur: F@#!*ing A!
Shereen: Oh, um, Wilbur, we’re a family show. You’re going to need to be a little careful of your language.
Wilbur: Oh, sorry, Ma’am. I just get a little excited talking about hitting.
Shereen: That’s quite all right. We’ll bleep that out, don’t worry!
Wilbur: All righty. Sorry again.
Shereen: Now, you are from Sunnyvale, California, originally, correct?
Wilbur: The Vale! That’s right.
Shereen: And although you’re only 25, you’ve bounced around to a number of teams already.
Wilbur: Yeah. True. I was drafted in the fifth round in 2030 by the Atlantic City Gamblers, and I played in their minor league system for, oh, about six seasons. I thought I played pretty good for them – hell, in 2033 when I was at Trenton, I hit 36 homers. That ain’t too shabby, is it?
Wilbur Green
Shereen: I should say not.
Wilbur: F@#!*ing A!
Shereen: Wilbur!
Wilbur: Sorry, sorry. Excuse my French.
Shereen: I hardly think that word is French, Wilbur.
Wilbur: I don’t rightly know what it is – but it’s one of my favorite words!
Shereen: Apparently so. Well, I wanted to ask you – did you ever make it up to the BBA?
Wilbur: Well, sorta. In 2036 I got into two games for Atlantic City as a defensive replacement. I didn’t even get any at-bats. And that’s kinda funny, because defense isn’t really my thing.
Shereen: Don't tell me ...
Wilbur: I like to hit!
Shereen: You really do like to hit, don't you?
Wilbur: F#%& yeah!
Shereen: Oh good Lord. Our censor will be earning her pay this week!
Wilbur: Sorry again.
Shereen: It’s OK, I’m actually getting used to it. So, you certainly have done well since you came to the Metro Stars. How do you like it here?
Wilbur: Oh, I love Mumbai, and I will be forever grateful to Eduardo Leon, who was the general manager before Vic Caleca came in, for giving me this opportunity. I love my team and I love my teammates!
Shereen: Did the mission of the Unified Middle East Baseball Association – to help further the peace brokered by Barney Bancroft – appeal to you?
Wilbur: Huh?
Shereen: Was furthering that mission a reason you wanted to play here?
Wilbur: Oh, hell no. I ain’t a politician or diplomat or nothing. You know what I like to do, right?
Shereen: Hit a baseball?
Wilbur: F@#!*ing A!
Shereen: (Puts her head in her hands, then peeks out between her fingers and sighs) Oh well, what can I say? Thank you, Wilbur, for joining us today. I’m sure our viewers enjoyed your exuberance as much as they enjoy watching you hit!
Wilbur: (Looking confused) My exuber … what?
Shereen: Never mind, Wilbur.
Wilbur: I don’t know words all that well, but I do know how to hit homers!
Shereen: F@#!*ing A! (Sounds of the studio crew cracking up is audible in the background).
We’ll be back after – maybe – after this break to wrap up the show and take a look at what lies ahead for the Metro Stars this week!
(Wilbur leans forward in his chair to give Shereen a high five as the screen cuts to commercial)